Tuesday, November 11, 2008

THE SHOCKING FACE OF ANOREXIA & BULIMIA...KARLENE IS IN HOSPITAL (NOVEMBER 10, 2008)

Karlene with NG tube

Karlene in hospital on November 10, 2008

Karlene on Sept. 28/08 - 72.9 pounds

"This is what happens as a result of purging. I've been wearing partial dentures for over 10 yrs. now. It can happen quickly and is VERY PAINFUL!!"


"76 lbs.--STILL :( BMI of 13.0, whichh is good) STILL NO LOW ENOUGH! I'm so incredibly TIRED, DIZZY, and OUT OF BREATH! Sometimes I really this "this is it, I just hope I don't go to HEll!!!!!!"




For the most recent update on Karlene (November 25, 2008), please click here:


UPDATE #13
(November 10, 2008)

"Update--Nov. 10, '08

Nov. 10th, 2008 at 6:28 PM

I have been in the hospital for the past couple of weeks. My parents had to take me to the ER Halloween morning. I was having severe stomach pains and couldn't even stand up. Many painful tests were performed and it was concluded that I had some type of intestinal blockage. They stuck a huge NG tube up my nose and got out 2 liters of fluid and gunk from my stomach. I hadn't had a BM in almost 3 weeks (altho I'm not eating much). I was in such awful pain!!

My weight is continuing to fall. I now weigh barely 72 lbs. I cannot even care for myself. My skin is turning an ugly yellowish color. I honestly don't know how I am still alive. My doctors suggested a Gastric Pacemaker be placed in my stomach bc my digestive system is so very messed up. But they are not sure if I would make it thru the surgery.

Thank you to all who are keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it so very much, as does my family!

Mood: cold"

UPDATE #12 (October 23, 2008)

"Update--Oct. 23rd, 2008 at 2:56 PM

I'm still here. How? I don't know. I don't know why God has kept me on earth for this long with this disease.

My physical body is literally disappearing. I feel such guilt and shame. I am sorry to everyone for being such a disappointment. I am sorry for failing to fight and beat this disease. I am sorry I have given up!!

I fought it for 22 yrs. and it has done irreversable damage to me...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm done. I have nothing left.

I don't want people who are fighting this terrible monster to read this and think, "well if she's giving up, if she's not going to get better, then I won't either." You CAN!! Recovery IS possible. I've seen it. I just don't see it for myself. And I'm so very sorry for that!! I'm so very ashamed!!

The physical pain and discomfort from starving and from the malnutrition is still not as bad as the discomfort of leaving my anorexia behind--the terror I would feel. And deep down I know that is CRAZY!! It's been ME for so long, it's who I am.

So many of you have responded to my posts with such love and kindness and I can't tell you how much that means to me!! It touches my heart so much, I can actually "feel" your love.

I've been so nauseous every single day. I don't know if it's my pain meds or what, but I feel like I am sea sick ALL the time!! And when I feel like that, that MONSTER inside my head tells me I am gaining weight, even if I've only had tiny bites of yogurt all day long! I wish so much that there was a miracle drug out there that would just make eating disorders just disappear. They take everything and everyone from you!!

I love all of you out there struggling with this and to those keeping me in your hearts and prayers! I can't thank you enough!! Please take care of yourselves and FIGHT!!"


UPDATE #11 (September 28th, 2008)

"Doctor Day

Sep. 28th, 2008 at 7:25 PM





72.9 lbs. on the doctor's scales with clothes on.

I wish I could see what others see! What is wrong with me?! I feel like I am going crazy! This disease is consuming me and I can't stand it!

I saw my doctor on Friday. He raised my Percocet. I feel sorry for him bc he is so worried about me and doesn't know how else to help. I have yet another kidney infection, but we're not going to treat it, just try and control my pain.

I'm so confused and scared. So many emotions all jumbeled up inside of me. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like a puppet being controlled by this monster pulling the strings. My body is shutting down not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

I was with my family this weekend and it was an incredibly uncomfortable weekend!! Just seeing the look on all of their faces and the way they act toward me. My dad looks at me with disgust and that hurts. Even my nieces and nephews stare at me and seem to be afraid of me.

I am so very ashamed and consumed with guilt! What have I done to myself? I've ruined not only my own life, but the lives of those I love so dearly. I'm so very very tired and exhausted and the pain is getting hard to control. God, please forgive me for not being who you made me to be!!

Mood: confused"


Karlene, every time I read one of your updates, my heart breaks a little more. If only you could get the treatment you so desperately need and deserve. ~ Medusa

UPDATE #10 (September 12th and 19th, 2008)


"Update--9/19

Sep. 19th, 2008 at 9:33 PM

As usual, another rough day. I had to take more of my pain meds as soon as they would wear off, thus I slept most of the day.

I've been having bad nightmares that leave me petrified, most of them about my abuser, and sometimes I can feel his presence in my apartment.

I am starting to have a hard time keeping anything down. It literally takes me nearly all day to eat just a 6 oz. carton of yogurt and sips of about 6 oz. of water. Otherwise I get terrible severe stomach pains and sometimes can't keep even that little bit down.

My doctor wants to see me next week to check things out and we will talk about getting me on some pain medicine that is an extended release kind. But I am hesitant. I don't want to feel drugged all day long. I have been feeling really down and very hopeless. My heart is acting so funny, palpitating so badly I briefly pass out. I can usually sit or lie down before I hit the floor. My weight is around 73-74 pounds, about 50 pounds under my normal weight.

I hurt so badly, emotionally and physically. The ED voices in my head haunt me day and night, screaming at me that I am a bad lazy fat slob. God, help me! I am so very tired!

Mood: lonely"

{{{Karlene}}}

~~~~~~~~~~

"Update--9/12

Sep. 12th, 2008 at 3:27 PM

Today has been a rough day. I'm very nauseated and my ulcers are acting up. I've had a little bit of yogurt, a "safe" food for me, but it came right back up (NOT on purpose). So that's all I've had in the last few days. I can't even keep fluids down.

I think I have another kidney infection. I get them so easily now. But I feel it's pointless going to the dr. because he doesn't know what to do for me anymore, except give me pain meds to keep me comfortable, which they do somewhat.

My weight is about 73, but I hardly even look in the mirror anymore. I get too cold standing there in just my undies.

I've been starting to give some of my things away. Like my beloved Spongebob collection I've been giving to my 2 year old niece. She's crazy about him.

Gotta go lie down. Thank you all to are sending me your prayers. They are much appreciated!

Love, Karlene

Mood: nauseated"

~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE #9 (Friday, September 12, 2008)

"Update--9/2

Hello everybody ~

I'm sorry I have been out of touch. I have read your comments (those who have sent them, and Medusa) and I'm sorry I haven't replied, but I greatly appreciate them all.

I'm hanging in there. It's getting harder and harder to make it through each day. Alot of pain and alot of sleeping. I'm exhausted and out of breath much of the time. Just walking hurts.

I spent the Labor Day weekend with my family and I talked to them about my anorexia, really for the first time in all these years. We cried together and were open and honest with one another. It was hard, but a relief. We have all come to accept my illness and impending death. God touched all of our hearts that night and gave us a sense of peace.

My doctors and therapists are still working on the Hospice thing. It's taking a while, but I think it just may work out.

Thank you to all who are keeping me and my family in their prayers. I appreciate it so much.

Love to all~

Karlene

Mood: tired"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #8 (Friday, August 22, 2008)

"I'm sorry
Aug. 22nd, 2008 at 8:25 PM

I want to apoligize to all of my readers. I'm so sorry I am such a downer, a loser, a failure, a quiter. Here I am trying to keep you guys fighting this awful disease and I, myself, am giving up. What kind of inspiration is that?

I just want to tell my story in hopes that you guys can see what this awful disease can take away from you. Some of you are in the beginning of your disease and I beg you to get help NOW! The sooner you fight it and live in recovery, the better chances you have of actually having a great happy and healthy future.

After 22 years of being in and out of treatment centers and hospitals, being fed with PEG tubes, NG tubes, fighting infection after infection, fighting painful stomach ulcers and a hiatal hernia, a completely damaged esophagus from years of purging, kidney infections, a failing weakening heart, and failing organs, my body just can't take it anymore. And the pain is excrusiating! 24/7, emotionally and physically.

Tonight has been a rough night. I got up to try to make my way to the restroom and passed out. I could actually feel my heart stop beating and the blood rush from my head and extremeties before it happened. That's not the first time that's happened. I'm just glad I didn't crack open my head.

Anyway, I just hope and pray to you all who are suffering, PLEASE don't give up. Fight while there is still fight inside you. I've never cared enough about myself to fight for ME! Please fight for YOU! You CAN win!! You CAN beat this...before it's too late. My prayers and love to you all!

Mood: drained"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #7 (Thursday, August 21, 2008)

"God, please take me soon!

Aug. 20th, 2008 at 7:22 PM

I found out that I don't qualify for Hospice. They say I have to have a diagnosis of a disease that will kill me in less than 6 months. I honestly don't believe I have 6 months and neither do my doctors. I need to talk to my physician because I know he will let them know the seriousness of this.

Many times I go to bed not expecting to wake up in the morning. Do they know how much pain I am in? Do they know I am literally wasting away? My parents/family need this hospice thing as much as I do.

My doctor will still continue to supply me with any pain medication I need (at least I hope he will). I sleep most of the day because even sitting up tires me out so. I just took several Percocet along with Xtra strength Tylenol, Xanax and Ativan. I can feel it kicking in, but I still feel I need more. The pain is pretty bad. My stomach is killing me. And when I have a stomach ache, it makes me feel FAT!! Weird I know.

God, I am ready when you are!

Mood: nauseated"

{{{Karlene}}}

~~~~~~~~~~

I have been out of town for the past five days and was only able to just now check Karlene's journal to see how she was doing...

UPDATE #6 (Thursday, August 14, 2008)

"another update

Aug. 14th, 2008 at 4:23 PM

I saw my primary care physician and he is all for the Hospice thing. He is very saddened by it, but honors my wishes. He is more than willing to work with hospice to help them make me as comfortable as possible in my final days.

My digestive system hardly works anymore. I take sips of water and nurse tiny spoonfuls of FF yogurt, but that is all I can do. They couldn't even get a BP on me this morning because it was so low.

My mind is going quickly as I forget most of what I am doing. My heart palpitations are very frequent now. They are worried about me staying alone. My dr. has put me on pain meds as I am in so much pain now. My whole body is eating away at itself.

I am thinking about getting a walker as it is hard to walk standing straight up, let alone walk at all without some assistance. I am still very worried about how I will pay my monthly bills just living off my disability checks. That is stress I don't need right now.

Your love and prayers are still much needed. Please pray for not only my family, but for my financial situation as well. I am so appreciative to you all right now. Here is my mailing address, just in case some of you want to know:
P.O. Box 365, Silver Lake, KS 66539.

"Medusa", I want to thank you as well!!

Love, Karlene

Mood: stressed"

Karlene, my heart is breaking for you. So many are praying for a miracle for you. I hope our prayers are answered.

Much love to you,

Medusa

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #5 (Tuesday, August 12, 2008)

"A plea to my readers

Aug. 12th, 2008 at 10:22 AM

Hi all

I wanted to make a plea to those of you who are kind enough to read my journals. Unfortunately I have been banned from "proanorexia" so I can't post there.

I believe it is very important for the readers to read my latest journals concerning my declining health and what EDs can ultimately lead to.

Can someone please either post this for me or tell them to read my journals. They need to go to my journal site:

http://chronicanorexic.livejournal.com/


My evaluation went well with the hospice people. They now just have to send for my medical records to see if I qualify. Apparently I have to be given only 6 months to live, according to my doctors. Sometimes I don't see myself living even that long.

Although I still see fat spots on me, I can also see that the person staring back at me who looks like a skeleton with skin stretched over it. I'm in so much pain--joint pain, muscle pain, back pain, bone pain, everything hurts. I try to eat a little yogurt. It is getting harder and harder to even swallow.

I keep asking God to take me SOON, not only bc the pain is unbearable, but bc I don't want my parents to see me in a prolonged state of sedation until I slowly pass away. I worry so much about them. But I know God will take care of them.

I often wake up and wonder if this is the day. Bad thing is I have to live off of my disability checks (which is NOTHING) and can't pay some of my bills. But it would be impossible for me to work right now. The stress doesn't help any.

Thank you all!

Mood: blank "

~~~~~

"waiting...as my health declines

Aug. 12th, 2008 at 9:51 AM

My evaluation went well with the hospice people. They now just have to send for my medical records to see if I qualify. Apparently I have to be given only 6 months to live, according to my doctors. Sometimes I don't see myself living even that long.

Although I still see fat spots on me, I can also see that the person staring back at me who looks like a skeleton with skin stretched over it. I'm in so much pain--joint pain, muscle pain, back pain, bone pain, everything hurts. I try to eat a little yogurt. It is getting harder and harder to even swallow.

I keep asking God to take me SOON, not only bc the pain is unbearable, but bc I don't want my parents to see me in a prolonged state of sedation until I slowly pass away. I worry so much about them. But I know God will take care of them.

I often wake up and wonder if this is the day. Bad thing is I have to live off of my disability checks (which is NOTHING) and can't pay some of my bills. But it would be impossible for me to work right now. The stress doesn't help any.

Mood: distressed"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #4 (Friday, August 8, 2008)






"These pics were taken a day before I entered the hospital, at 73 lbs. "


"Update--not good news

Aug. 6th, 2008 at 11:09 AM

Hi all~

I wanted to let you know that I am now at home from the hospital. I spent two weeks on a feeding tube. My weight is still critically low (upper 70s), and they were just able to get me stable. I am still very weak and not doing very well.

My doctors there have suggested Hospice care for me due to my failing health. I was told my heart is smaller and weaker and my organs are showing signs of failure. Midland Hospice Care (in Topeka) will come to my apartment tomorrow to do an evaluation on me to see if I qualify. When my doctors and therapists talked to them yesterday, it sounds like I will.

I don't know if any of you are aware of what exactly this means, but it is basically saying I am in the end stages of my disease, that I am terminal. They (hospice--which includes drs., nurses, social workers, home health aides, etc.) will care for me in my home on a regular basis until I am no longer able to care for myself. I will then go to a hospice or nursing facility where they will keep me as comfortable as possible until I pass away.

I know all of this sounds grim, but I am trying to accept it as reality, as my doctors and therapists fear the worst. Thank you to everyone who have kept me in your prayers. Your kind words mean a lot to me! Please continue to keep me, but especially my family, in your prayers!

I hope I don't die alone and have my family surrounding me at the end.

Love, Karlene

Mood: gloomy"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #3 (Monday, July 21, 2008)

"Jul. 21st, 2008 at 6:23 PM

Well, tomorrow's the day. I'm going inpatient for the 15th time! This will be the 8th time at the same hospital/treatment facility. Once again, I'm terrified!

I weigh 73 lbs. and I do NOT want my bones to be covered in FAT!! I love to see them stick out. I see bones I never even knew I had! I can't help but feel proud.

What will I be without it? I don't know who I am without anorexia. It's been with me for 22 yrs. I NEED it! And now they are going to try and take it away from me.

I already know when I get out that I am going to lose the weight they put on me. I'm in terrible pain and I am so very weak, but I don't want to feel better! I need the pain, I deserve the pain. If I feel so bad, it means I am doing something right. I don't want to do this!

Mood: distressed"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #2 (Monday, July 21, 2008)


"Jul. 17th, 2008 at 5:58 PM


Well it seems I am being admitted into the hospital on Tuesday morning (July 22). I am scared out of my wits! I do NOT want my bones to be covered with FAT! I see and feel bones I never even knew I had! I can't handle them going away! I NEED them! They give me comfort and safety.

Because my BMI is so low (13 something), they will have me on complete bed rest with a person sitting with me 24/7!

I have been passing out and I am purging anything I put in my mouth, even if it is an ounce or two of water, and I am spitting up blood. I want to DIE before I have to go in! I can't handle another hospitalization!

I am on pain medication for my kidney infection (Darvocet with 650 of acetimediphen), so I just took 6 of them, plus 2 mg of Ativan and 4 mg of Xanax. I can feel them kicking in. I'm feeling sick. I just want to sleep and sleep. I know I haven't taken enough to kill me, but maybe it will do some damage. I was in the hospital a few months back for ODing on the same thing and this is exactly how I felt. Only this time I don't have my therapist to MAKE me go to the ER.

Well, I need to stop for now bc I am beginning to see spots before my eyes and feel I'm about to pass out. I will write again before I have to go to the hospital on Tuesday (if I am still alive by then).

Mood: lethargic "

~~~~~~~~~~

"Jul. 12th, 2008 at 9:35 AM

My therapist is threatening to "leave me" for good if I don't go into the hospital! I don't want to go but I don't want to lose her. Nobody understands me like she does.

So I called the hospital and they said they want me to come back in, that my "condition is severe." They are afraid I will die before I get there. I hope I do bc I can't take another forced weight gain! I can't do this again!

ED is beating me up severely for calling them. I am not done losing weight! My weight is still in the low 70s, it's got to get in the 60s!

The admissions lady at the hospital is going to call me Tuesday for my phone assessment. This will be my 7th time there. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!! I hope I die soon! I'm so very very tired!!

Mood: distressed"

~~~~~~~~~~

Jul. 10th, 2008 at 9:38 AM

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while to give you an update. My therapist insists on me going back into the hospital. I have become so weak, I barely can get up off the futon. I have had a really bad kidney infection for the past two weeks. I'm in a lot of pain.

I feel sorry for my family bc I can see the pained look on their faces when they see me and give me a hug (as if they may break me). We don't talk about my failing health and anorexia, about my impending death.

I'm sorry everyone!!! I'm such a failure! Here are a couple of new pics. I only take them if I am losing weight. I still see FAT legs!! Love and hugs to all-----"


~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #1 (Sunday, June 29, 2008)

This is so tragic it's difficult for me to post. I just checked this woman's journal and found this latest entry which was posted a few hours ago:

" 74 lbs!!!

Jun. 29th, 2008 at 4:32 PM

Seems I have been banned from the site, proanorexia. Oh, well, I will soon be gone............

I have a new user pic (taken this morning). I've lost 2 lbs over the weekend, now down to 74 lbs.

5'4"
HW: 120
LW: 74
CW: 74
GW: 60

My therapist called the hospital I was at in Jan. and Feb. and they are insisting I come back in. They fear for my life. I fear LIFE..period! With my financial situation, I don't know how I could afford to be in the hospital for months. I just want to disappear, shrink away to nothing, die in peace! Give my parents the relief of no longer having to see me like this. My kidneys are failing, by bones hurt, it hurts to even walk...my body's giving out, but it's taking so very long and is so very painful. I'm faddddddiiiiinnnngggg aawwwwaayyy!!!!!!!!

Mood:Dying"

~~~~~

MY ORIGINAL POST FROM JUNE 6/08:

I stumbled upon this woman's journal and pictures moments ago and am heartsick. She may not have long to live. The comments posted under all the pictures are hers.

Her words... posted May 27th, 2008 at 8:55 AM:

"Hi, I am new to this site. I'm 39 yrs. old and have been anorexic for 22 years, but it's been severe for about the last 9-10 years, in and out of NUMEROUS treatment centers and hospitals, being fed through a feeding tube in the nose, a PEG tube surgically placed in my stomach and "fed" that way for over a year! (no food by mouth).

My normal weight @ 5'4" is 120 lbs. (which was about 10 yrs. ago), but now I weigh 77 lbs.

I purge (up to 8 times a day), anything I put in my mouth. I can't stand it! I have pics of myself on my site of my beautiful bones. I am obsessed with taking pics of myself and scrutanizing them (fat spots, etc.).

My therapist won't see me until I go into the hospital. I have lots of medical problems going on, but I can't help wanting to just disappear! I'm not sure I am pro ana, but I want to get thinner and thinner.

I don't recommend getting yourself stuck in this rut. It's pure hell once it takes over your mind and body! PAIN like no other!! Unbelievable PAIN!!!!!!!"

Mood: exhausted"

"A view from above @76 lbs. May '08"


"If you look closely enough, you can see the scars from my PEG tubes"


"76 lbs. "


And her latest post from yesterday, June 7, 2008, at 10:53 a.m:

"I want to thank all of you for your continued support! It helps so much.

I can't even begin to tell you the hell I co thru 24/7, the physical and emotional torture! Why do I do this to myself? I feel I don't deserve to live, to breathe, to take up space on this earth.

I have written a good-bye letter to my family and friends and keep it near my bedside. I want them to know how much I love them and how sorry I am for hurting them so much! The are in their early 70s and are not in good health (my dad recovering from a heart attack and mom having to go get serious back surgery performed). I feel it is all my fault. Me and this stupid MONSTER inside my head! I've just been through so many treatment centers, hospitals, psychiatrists, therapists, specialists, painful procedures, etc. that I have lost all hope of ever getting better!

Stay strong on the RECOVERY path!!

Mood: depressed"
~~~~~~~~~~

And among some very wonderful, supportive comments to this poor woman's posts were some shocking questions asked of her:

Q. "Lol, if could turn just even one off of purging it was well worth posting it."

Her answer: "I hope it shows what purging can do to your teeth! ANd I'v always had nice straight white healthy teetch. Now they are gone and rotting (which is very painful!!). thank you for the post"

Q: "god I wish I could look like you!! oh, and I know this sounds kinda weird, but were you the girl that was in Dr. Phil?? you look Identical"

Her answer: "No, sorry. She was much thinner than me, however I have more serious medical complications and have literally been given a death sentence bc of my failing kidneys"

[NOTE: Aimee Moore was the anorexic/bulimic featured on the Dr. Phil show. You can search my blog for the posts relating to Aimee]

Q: "to tell you the truth i wish i had a death sentence. I hate living like this!! it's utter torture!! do you know how long you have to live?"

Her answer: "no i don't. but i've been told it could be any day. my potassium level is crically low and causings what the drs. call miny heart "attacks." my heart has shrnk to 40% or what it should be. Hon you don't want to go down this road! Live while you can!!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Please, I beg of you, if you are anorexic and/or bulimic, or suffering from any other eating disorder, please seek help immediately!

On the sidebar of my blog are hotline numbers and links to get you started on the road to recovery. Anorexia and bulimia are deadly diseases and take the lives of thousands and thousands of people yearly.

And please remember this woman's warning:

"I don't recommend getting yourself stuck in this rut. It's pure hell once it takes over your mind and body! PAIN like no other!! Unbelievable PAIN!!!!!!!"

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35 comments:

MrsMenopausal said...

It's just so unbelievably scary that others desire to accomplish looking like this woman even as she warns them of the dangerous and the pain of her eating disorder.
Thanks for all you do to bring awareness to others about eating disorders, Medusa.

Catherine said...

I saw that blog. Some of the commentators were so insensitive. Poor woman.

Medusa said...

MrsM and catherine,

Thank you both so much for your comments.

My heart aches for this poor woman. Sadly, I fear the worst for her.

Anonymous said...

Very sad, but what is probably just as heart breaking is what led her down this path. Most of us do not choose starvation as a form of self punishment; we do it to fit in. There is a profound sense of alienation underlying this disease. How ironic that what initially makes us feel better only serves in pulling us further away. Until we can touch that inner unease and isolation it is a very difficult illness to cure. We don't let people in. My weight has been "normal" for a long time but I recall well how fixating on dieting distracted me from that despair. I truly feel for all these women.

Jo said...

If only it were easy to get help for eating disorders and their related problems. Treatment coverage is shocking.

Scarlet said...

This is just so tragic. Im keeping her in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

It sad but unfortunately not all that uncommon. There are tons of Anorexics just like this girl who are near death. A lot of them find it hard to get help. For instance I'm 65lbs and 5.4" I got funding from my country to go to the States for treatment but I can't go until I put on 10-15 pound. My vitals are stable so actually I can't be admitted to the hospital. I may be able to get an SI to help me get my weight up but if not I'm going to have to refeed myself. Regular hospitals (maybe it's just ours hopefully there are better ones) here in Canada are afraid to touch re-feeding they just don't have the staff and expertise. Which is ultra dangerous. If you have a vitals problem they fix you than send you home. I've been 61-62lbs at my lowest but than I got edema. To me it came as no surprise that Aimee Moore was from Ontario. I can understand this girls pain but I seriously hopes someone steps in and gets her the help she needs. She's also waiting on getting help from what I read.

Medusa said...

{{{Anonymous}}} I'm Canadian, as well, and think it is absolutely scandalous that Canada is so bereft of specialists in eating disorders.

Every large hospital in Canada should have on staff physicians and staff who specialize in the treatment of eating disorders so that those Canadians who are suffering from anorexia, bulimia, etc. don't have to put their fragile lives at risk in travelling to the US and other countries to seek help. Aimee Moore has been through that.

My heart goes out to you. I hope that you are able to put on those 10 to 15 pounds so that you're able to travel to the US for treatment.

Please keep me posted on how you're doing. You are in my thoughts.

All the very best,
Medusa

Jo said...

I understand the girls who want to be like her. If someone looks like her then they have a chance of getting the help they need. You're writing about her because she's emaciated - only the emaciated have any chance of help. And life with an ED and the related problems is so miserable, so many people with EDs wish they'd get sick and die. It's a sad way things are.

Some people come on proanorexia sites and fake things like pretend to be anorexic (or say they're going to kill themselves, or they've been admitted to hospital with a heart attack, etc etc) to get attention, or even admiration. It may be that's why she's been banned.

Carol Bardelli said...

Medusa, your blog provides a valuable service. Thank God for people like you warning women of the dangers of extreme dieting and eating disorders.

I visited before but I was struck this time by how well you're covering these topics. Great work and keep it up.

Medusa said...

Carol, thanks SO much for your very kind words. I really appreciate it.

Anonymous said...

Medusa, I hope this makes you feel better - my granddaughter at 5'9" is almost up to 100lbs from a low of 70 lbs. I think she has decided to live. Her teeth still look good, although she's had extensive repairs and thinks the repairs won't hold. Plus her hair is coming thicker again. We, her loved ones, are cautiously optimistic that she may yet recover.

OLED TV said...

yeah catherine some of the commentators were so insensitive. I feel sorry for this woman .

Medusa said...

{{{Anonymous}}}

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to hear the fantastic news of your granddaughter's weight gain!

I have received many e-mails from people who have asked to be kept up to date on your granddaughter's progress, and I know they will be as delighted as I was to hear this news.

You and your family all in our thoughts. Thanks so much for making my day. :^)

Anonymous said...

It seems that this girl doesn't want help. You can't help those who don't want to help themselves.

She seems quite proud of her "accomplishments" and almost seems to be bragging.

While one part of me feels enormous pity, the other small part feels a bit unsympathetic. She isn't asking for help and seems to be shunning it. I realize that's part of the illness, but how can you help someone who is dead set against it?

I hope she is able to get and accept the help she so desperately needs. Yes, her body needs food, but her mind a LOT of help.

Medusa said...

Anonymous, I concur with your comments.

This woman desperately needs psychiatric care.

Anonymous said...

A common thread that runs through the published anorexics' comments are their feelings of worthlessness. In some perverted fashion, they welcome the pain as it "proves" to them they are not worthy to live. Sexual abuse is a concealed cause; so are unusually demanding perfectionist parents. But, no matter what the trigger, the ED itself provokes warped thinking and needs psychiatric care. But w/o emotional support, feeding the body is futile in the long run.

Medusa said...

Anonymous, thank you for your excellent comments.

I couldn't agree with you more.

MrsMenopausal said...

How incredibly sad. I cannot even imagine the pain of seeing a loved one lose their battle with an eating disorder like this, or struggling for so long and knowing that the end of your life is drawing near.
I will be keeping her and her family in my prayers.

Yucky said...

Echoing Mrs.M's sentiments: "Thanks for all you do to bring awareness to others about eating disorders"

!

MrsMenopausal said...

{{{{{{Karlene}}}}}}

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but I don't get the sense that she's doing this to help others - I get the sense that it's all about HER.

She doesn't WANT to live. She needs to admit this, instead of posting about how she's dying. It really pisses me off, because there are people with terminal cancer, diseases, etc...who WANT to live and would do anything to do so.

I just can't seem to muster up any sympathy for someone who has such a blatant disregard for life. I realize it's a mental illness, but it's treatable if she wants to be helped.

If she truly wants to die, there are other ways to do it, other than announcing and posting on a blog about how she's slowing dying.

I'm not a cruel person, but enough already.

I truly hope she stops this and gets some help. THAT would be far more beneficial to teenagers than this foolishness.

Lily said...

Oh my dear friend, Karlene. I can visibly see myself in your words- just a little over 8 months now, I was in the same spot. The eating disorder nearly killed me, and thank God for my husband who could get me to the ER just in time. I will continue praying and praying and praying for you, and will definitely send mail. You CAN do this, despite all the pain and sorrow. I know you've done the PEG, you've done the NG, but you've GOT to keep trying. Use the PEG until you are to a more stable weight, just so your brain can actually function enough to think. YOU are an AMAZING work of art, made by the Lord, just for a special purpose for living. We are all here for you, and sending our positive thoughts and prayers. I love you.

Medusa said...

{{{Lily}}}

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. I hope you don't mind but I copied them and posted them in Karlene's journal in case she missed them on this blog post. I am sure your heartfelt, supportive words will give Karlene hope. And congratulations to you on your recovery.

Hugs,

Medusa

Anonymous said...

hey. Its good to see you even in your hard times are trying to make a difference. I was bulimic since the age of 12/13 and now at 22years old have managed to not purge and vomit for almost a year now.i dont like having a chubby body but i was so tired of being consumbed by this monster like you siad controlling my thoughts driving me crazy.. the emotions you feel are so stronge and they make you think and feel things which in reality is not true only because as a bulimic or anorexic you make it true.. The self doubt and hurt was too much so i decided to get better. plus my teeth are mush and i thought if this is what i can see is going wrong whats happening on the inside. But it is one of the hardest things in the world to do especially once you get to the point where its the only thing you know. Being mindfull about what sets you of and conciouse about your thoughts before and afetr being sick helps to controll and understand why your doing it to try and see the pattern so next time you can avoid that feeling or understand it so the next time you can change.
what helped me through was buddism.


We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.
What other people think of you is errelevant everyone is the same and if people think badely of others for nothing, then it is them that has a problem.
The only thing you can do in life is find what you enjoy understand and accept people and listen to your heart the reason why i found the "monster" used to take controll was when i listen to it.
life is for living dont worry about being skeleten like thin theres plenty of time for that when your dead. who would you rather have as a friend or your family? a lovely kind funny cute chubby person. or a selfish self doubting nervouse edgy skinny person. love is the best thing in the world dont hate your self. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.. good luck much peace love and joy to everyone may you find your truth........... x

Medusa said...

anonymous, thank you so much for your very powerful comments and for sharing your story.

Elizabeth McCann said...

This was just heart breaking to read and to see.
Life is so precious! Life is also fragile.
I too suffered with an eating disorder for about 13 yrs. But I came to realize that there was more to life than to be obsessed with my weight!
The real joy in living is when you make your life about something other than just your self. Ever since I took my eyes off myself and made my life about helping other people--the size of my clothes seemed so superficial.
We are all going to die, but it is up to us what we do with this gift of life. We only get one shot at how our lives will impact the world and leave some kind of mark of making a difference.


To the person who is sharing this diary, I hope you choose life, and get strong again to help others not to go through what you have gone through! Please get well! =)

Blessings and prayers to you!

Medusa said...

Elizabeth, thank you so much for sharing your story and for your heartfelt comments.

I'm sure Karlene will see them.

Medusa said...

The following comments were posted on another blog entry about Karlene. I have moved them here:

"Anonymous said...

Anonymous here. Update on anorexic granddaughter. She is now 105 lbs. and had her feeding tube removed. (Baths again, yay!) But her teeth continue to crumble and abcess; so she is being fitted for dentures shortly. Her beautiful teeth are disappearing, but abcessed gums are life-threatening if not attended to. We're grateful for her present recovery, but still won't know the full extent of damage for some time.

November 7, 2008 3:27 PM"

"Medusa said...

(((Anonymous))). Your granddaughter has made amazing progress! What wonderful news!

I'm very sorry to hear about her teeth. And you're right...abscessed gums can be deadly, so I'm glad they're being treated.

I'm so hoping that her body has not sustained irreversible damage.

She is a very brave girl and has come such a long way...and I'm sure in no small part because of the wonderful, supportive, loving family she has.

You've made my day, anonymous. Thanks so much for keeping me posted on her progress.

Hugs to you...

November 10, 2008 6:43 PM"

MrsMenopausal said...

This is just so incredibly sad. I cannot even imagine the pain she and her family are going through. Prayers for them all.
{{{{{{Karlene}}}}}}

Medusa said...

MrsM, I know that Karlene will appreciate your prayers and hugs.

Many people are sending Karlene love and encouragement in her journal, which can be found at http://chronicanorexic.livejournal.com/

Karlene is sharing her story in the hope that others with eating disorders will see just how deadly they are. I still hold on to hope that she will beat this and her story will have a happy ending. (((Karlene)))

"Julia" said...

I feel so badly for her.
I wish I could somehow channel that into getting better, but I can't.
It's just awful to think that she's 39 and she's been struggling with this since she was my age.
I'll keep her in my prayers and just hope that she can make it through.

cadsheys said...

I was diagnosed of anorexia nervosa four years ago and until that time I don't really have any idea that such illness exist. As far as I remember it all started I became sick emotionally, I hated myself so bad and every time I go check myself in front of the mirror I see one ugly girl and that's me. That day I resist any food and only drinking tons of cold water, days passed same old routine until I lost my appetite for food. One night while sleeping I shouted so loud because of excruciating pain in my stomach. I cried a lot. I'm afraid to tell the pain I had. Until I really can't take it. I went to my mom and told that I think I had a deadly ulcer. Then I went back to my room crying all day. I told them I can't take it anymore I need help so bad. My parents don't know what to do and I am also worried because if i try to put something in my mouth. I felt like throwing up abut I am really hungry.That's the worst nightmare I ever had in my life. Now I'm fully recovered with my normal weight on guard.The illness never leave me until now but at least I won't let anorexia control me anymore. I'm still conscious when it comes to my weight. I just hope Karlene would soon recover from the pain of anorexia. All my prayers. God Bless you and See you healthy soon.

Medusa said...

(((cadsheys)))

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Anorexia is such a deadly illness, and I am so happy for you that you have fully recovered.

I hold out hope that Karlene will recover as well.

Again, thank you so much for commenting.

~Medusa

BrittanyZim said...

I am praying for you to get better in your mind and in health.

May God be w/ you always.

Love, BrittanyZim