Monday, August 2, 2010




I recently started reading your website, and I’m already obsessed with it. Now I wanted to share my story with you.

I've been suffering from an ED over 5 years now, and I'm only 17 years old. It usually is anorexia that I am suffering, but I've also gone through phases with Bulimic-Anorexia, Orthorexia and ED not otherwise specified. I've also been a Pro-Ana. At the time I'm suffering from Anorexia and depression.

During last three years I've met about 10 different shrinks, but none of them can help me. It's like I'm immune to help.

The thing is that I've never been clearly underweight. I have always been what you can call normal weight, and it makes me freak out. I really do hate my body. I want to change it so much that it will kill me.

anorexia, anorexic

I know that this ED will kill me some day... I can't carry on too much longer. I hate my life, and it makes me angry knowing that this monster inside me takes all the control I have. I have no one to talk to... My family doesn't know about this, my friends don't care and so on... I really don't know what to do if I can't get into a hospital, but the doctors think that I'm not sick enough... I really don't know how sick they want me to be, 'cause if this will last longer I will die...

The only friends I have are suffering from eating disorders too, and usually we just talk about how to get thinner and stuff... Some of my other friends have left me, because they thought they can't bear with me any longer and they thought that I'm faking all of this...

Some days are better than others, but all I can' think about is food and how much I need to exercise and stuff... I'm exhausted and tired. I want to tell someone about my situation, but there's no one I trust... I'm like a broken little bird who needs some love and care, that's all... I'm mommy's little helper that doesn't get enough attention...

With lots of love,

Anonymous Ana.”

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Val said...

I can relate to you because I also don't look severely thin. I was and still am classified as underweight by bmi and my hip bones stick out. My rib cage is barely visible though it is vibrant if i put my arms up or shift my chest to the side at all or lay down, but I didn't look emaciated or even too skinny. Although I never had a problem with people thinking that I was faking. I had to put a lot of energy into keeping it a secret because everyone was suspicious of me having and ED.

Anonymous said...

I understand your situation, cause my life is so compare to your. I also never was too thin and my ED also started five years ago. Nobody sees that I'm falling. I was in pro-ana, but I left. I hope that some day we'll find hope and help. I believe that we can be happy. We will. It's one thing that we mustn't: we can't fall apart. I heard that after rain always the sun rises. It must be true. We'll win that war.

(Sorry for mistakes. I don't know english too much.)

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I'm a year older than the age you started. I've only been battling this for about a year. i can relate to you because everyone thinks I'm faking. my mother doesn't thibk there's anything wrobg with me. I'm not neccassarily underweight. I've always been a healthy weight. I wish i could find someway to get help because I'm afraid that this wil continue & eventually ill just die. i want to get out. but ana is always by my side. i understand where you're coming from.