I guess it feels kind of important to share my story right now. Because I think people put the dangers of eating disorders to the back of their minds - all the side effects, the horrible consequences. We all know what they are, but a lot of us also disregard them too, pleasing the ED being our only aim.
My mum did this too.
And now she is dead.
She died last week. She killed herself because she could not see any other way. ED took EVERYTHING from her.
See, at first ED seems like it’s your friend. It takes away all the pain, and replaces it with something you CAN do. First, it’s your friend. And then it kills you.
There is a lot of History of ED in my family. My mum suffered from the age of 13 until her death with anorexia. Her mum had anorexia.
I also have an eating disorder, which I am fighting with all of my might to recover from. I grew up seeing it, believing it was normal to act that way towards food, to have such a devastatingly negative body image. I watched my mum’s volatile, ever changing moods, and saw how it depended upon whatever the 'magic number' on the scale was that day.
My own personal disordered behaviours began when I was around 12. Mum was so ill, so drowned in ED, she could never see anything else. She didn’t like things to be as they were - it’s just that she couldn't get any space from ED.
See, the thing is ED isn’t something you can just toy with for a while. You can’t dabble in it, try it for size, and then decide it isn’t for you. Because by then it's far too late. ED has got you in a stranglehold, and you WILL find yourself fighting for your life. Or giving in, succumbing to its demands.
And I think too many people trivialise and underestimate the effects of eating disorders. People DO die from them.
My mum killed herself because she couldn’t live with the demands of her ED anymore.
Please. We need to raise awareness of the seriousness of these problems. We don’t need any more eating disorder statistics.
I'm going to recover. It's not going to be easy, not in the slightest. It’s all I’ve ever known. But I am not going to follow in my mother’s footsteps.
I'm not going to be another ED statistic. What good is that to anyone?
And surely, no one else out there wants the same.
FIGHT! You have to because, really, it’s a matter of your life, or your death. Literally.