UPDATE: THE SHOCKING FACE OF ANOREXIA & BULIMIA...KARLENE HAS PASSED AWAY

UPDATE:  April 21, 2016

It is with a very heavy heart that I pass along the news that Karlene Lindenmuth passed away today, April 21, 2016, after struggling for years with anorexia and bulimia.  Karlene was such a sweet, loving, and caring person.  Her death breaks my heart.

She wanted to share her story to warn others about the devastating effects of eating disorders, so encouraged me to chronicle her hellish journey on my blog.

Rest in peace, Karlene.  I was honoured to be your friend.

Many thanks to Karen for letting me know of Karlene's passing today.

*****

Karlene with NG tube

Karlene in hospital on November 10, 2008

Karlene on Sept. 28/08 - 72.9 pounds

"This is what happens as a result of purging. I've been wearing partial dentures for over 10 yrs. now. It can happen quickly and is VERY PAINFUL!!"

"76 lbs.--STILL :( BMI of 13.0, whichh is good) STILL NO LOW ENOUGH! I'm so incredibly TIRED, DIZZY, and OUT OF BREATH! Sometimes I really this "this is it, I just hope I don't go to HEll!!!!!!"

For the most recent update on Karlene (November 25, 2008), please click here:

KARLENE, MY HEART IS BREAKING...

UPDATE #13 (November 10, 2008)"Update--Nov. 10, '08

Nov. 10th, 2008 at 6:28 PM

I have been in the hospital for the past couple of weeks. My parents had to take me to the ER Halloween morning. I was having severe stomach pains and couldn't even stand up. Many painful tests were performed and it was concluded that I had some type of intestinal blockage. They stuck a huge NG tube up my nose and got out 2 liters of fluid and gunk from my stomach. I hadn't had a BM in almost 3 weeks (altho I'm not eating much). I was in such awful pain!!

My weight is continuing to fall. I now weigh barely 72 lbs. I cannot even care for myself. My skin is turning an ugly yellowish color. I honestly don't know how I am still alive. My doctors suggested a Gastric Pacemaker be placed in my stomach bc my digestive system is so very messed up. But they are not sure if I would make it thru the surgery.

Thank you to all who are keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it so very much, as does my family!

Mood: cold"UPDATE #12 (October 23, 2008)

"Update--Oct. 23rd, 2008 at 2:56 PM

I'm still here. How? I don't know. I don't know why God has kept me on earth for this long with this disease.

My physical body is literally disappearing. I feel such guilt and shame. I am sorry to everyone for being such a disappointment. I am sorry for failing to fight and beat this disease. I am sorry I have given up!!

I fought it for 22 yrs. and it has done irreversable damage to me...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm done. I have nothing left.

I don't want people who are fighting this terrible monster to read this and think, "well if she's giving up, if she's not going to get better, then I won't either." You CAN!! Recovery IS possible. I've seen it. I just don't see it for myself. And I'm so very sorry for that!! I'm so very ashamed!!

The physical pain and discomfort from starving and from the malnutrition is still not as bad as the discomfort of leaving my anorexia behind--the terror I would feel. And deep down I know that is CRAZY!! It's been ME for so long, it's who I am.

So many of you have responded to my posts with such love and kindness and I can't tell you how much that means to me!! It touches my heart so much, I can actually "feel" your love.

I've been so nauseous every single day. I don't know if it's my pain meds or what, but I feel like I am sea sick ALL the time!! And when I feel like that, that MONSTER inside my head tells me I am gaining weight, even if I've only had tiny bites of yogurt all day long! I wish so much that there was a miracle drug out there that would just make eating disorders just disappear. They take everything and everyone from you!!

I love all of you out there struggling with this and to those keeping me in your hearts and prayers! I can't thank you enough!! Please take care of yourselves and FIGHT!!"

UPDATE #11 (September 28th, 2008)

"Doctor Day

Sep. 28th, 2008 at 7:25 PM





72.9 lbs. on the doctor's scales with clothes on.

I wish I could see what others see! What is wrong with me?! I feel like I am going crazy! This disease is consuming me and I can't stand it!

I saw my doctor on Friday. He raised my Percocet. I feel sorry for him bc he is so worried about me and doesn't know how else to help. I have yet another kidney infection, but we're not going to treat it, just try and control my pain.

I'm so confused and scared. So many emotions all jumbeled up inside of me. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like a puppet being controlled by this monster pulling the strings. My body is shutting down not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

I was with my family this weekend and it was an incredibly uncomfortable weekend!! Just seeing the look on all of their faces and the way they act toward me. My dad looks at me with disgust and that hurts. Even my nieces and nephews stare at me and seem to be afraid of me.

I am so very ashamed and consumed with guilt! What have I done to myself? I've ruined not only my own life, but the lives of those I love so dearly. I'm so very very tired and exhausted and the pain is getting hard to control. God, please forgive me for not being who you made me to be!!

Mood: confused"
Karlene, every time I read one of your updates, my heart breaks a little more. If only you could get the treatment you so desperately need and deserve. ~ Medusa

UPDATE #10 (September 12th and 19th, 2008)

"Update--9/19

Sep. 19th, 2008 at 9:33 PM

As usual, another rough day. I had to take more of my pain meds as soon as they would wear off, thus I slept most of the day.

I've been having bad nightmares that leave me petrified, most of them about my abuser, and sometimes I can feel his presence in my apartment.

I am starting to have a hard time keeping anything down. It literally takes me nearly all day to eat just a 6 oz. carton of yogurt and sips of about 6 oz. of water. Otherwise I get terrible severe stomach pains and sometimes can't keep even that little bit down.

My doctor wants to see me next week to check things out and we will talk about getting me on some pain medicine that is an extended release kind. But I am hesitant. I don't want to feel drugged all day long. I have been feeling really down and very hopeless. My heart is acting so funny, palpitating so badly I briefly pass out. I can usually sit or lie down before I hit the floor. My weight is around 73-74 pounds, about 50 pounds under my normal weight.

I hurt so badly, emotionally and physically. The ED voices in my head haunt me day and night, screaming at me that I am a bad lazy fat slob. God, help me! I am so very tired!

Mood: lonely"

{{{Karlene}}}

~~~~~~~~~~

"Update--9/12

Sep. 12th, 2008 at 3:27 PM

Today has been a rough day. I'm very nauseated and my ulcers are acting up. I've had a little bit of yogurt, a "safe" food for me, but it came right back up (NOT on purpose). So that's all I've had in the last few days. I can't even keep fluids down.

I think I have another kidney infection. I get them so easily now. But I feel it's pointless going to the dr. because he doesn't know what to do for me anymore, except give me pain meds to keep me comfortable, which they do somewhat.

My weight is about 73, but I hardly even look in the mirror anymore. I get too cold standing there in just my undies.

I've been starting to give some of my things away. Like my beloved Spongebob collection I've been giving to my 2 year old niece. She's crazy about him.

Gotta go lie down. Thank you all to are sending me your prayers. They are much appreciated!

Love, Karlene

Mood: nauseated"
~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE #9 (Friday, September 12, 2008)

"Update--9/2

Hello everybody ~

I'm sorry I have been out of touch. I have read your comments (those who have sent them, and Medusa) and I'm sorry I haven't replied, but I greatly appreciate them all.

I'm hanging in there. It's getting harder and harder to make it through each day. Alot of pain and alot of sleeping. I'm exhausted and out of breath much of the time. Just walking hurts.

I spent the Labor Day weekend with my family and I talked to them about my anorexia, really for the first time in all these years. We cried together and were open and honest with one another. It was hard, but a relief. We have all come to accept my illness and impending death. God touched all of our hearts that night and gave us a sense of peace.

My doctors and therapists are still working on the Hospice thing. It's taking a while, but I think it just may work out.

Thank you to all who are keeping me and my family in their prayers. I appreciate it so much.

Love to all~

Karlene

Mood: tired"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #8 (Friday, August 22, 2008)

"I'm sorry Aug. 22nd, 2008 at 8:25 PM

I want to apoligize to all of my readers. I'm so sorry I am such a downer, a loser, a failure, a quiter. Here I am trying to keep you guys fighting this awful disease and I, myself, am giving up. What kind of inspiration is that?

I just want to tell my story in hopes that you guys can see what this awful disease can take away from you. Some of you are in the beginning of your disease and I beg you to get help NOW! The sooner you fight it and live in recovery, the better chances you have of actually having a great happy and healthy future.

After 22 years of being in and out of treatment centers and hospitals, being fed with PEG tubes, NG tubes, fighting infection after infection, fighting painful stomach ulcers and a hiatal hernia, a completely damaged esophagus from years of purging, kidney infections, a failing weakening heart, and failing organs, my body just can't take it anymore. And the pain is excrusiating! 24/7, emotionally and physically.

Tonight has been a rough night. I got up to try to make my way to the restroom and passed out. I could actually feel my heart stop beating and the blood rush from my head and extremeties before it happened. That's not the first time that's happened. I'm just glad I didn't crack open my head.

Anyway, I just hope and pray to you all who are suffering, PLEASE don't give up. Fight while there is still fight inside you. I've never cared enough about myself to fight for ME! Please fight for YOU! You CAN win!! You CAN beat this...before it's too late. My prayers and love to you all!

Mood: drained"
~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #7 (Thursday, August 21, 2008)

"God, please take me soon!

Aug. 20th, 2008 at 7:22 PM

I found out that I don't qualify for Hospice. They say I have to have a diagnosis of a disease that will kill me in less than 6 months. I honestly don't believe I have 6 months and neither do my doctors. I need to talk to my physician because I know he will let them know the seriousness of this.

Many times I go to bed not expecting to wake up in the morning. Do they know how much pain I am in? Do they know I am literally wasting away? My parents/family need this hospice thing as much as I do.

My doctor will still continue to supply me with any pain medication I need (at least I hope he will). I sleep most of the day because even sitting up tires me out so. I just took several Percocet along with Xtra strength Tylenol, Xanax and Ativan. I can feel it kicking in, but I still feel I need more. The pain is pretty bad. My stomach is killing me. And when I have a stomach ache, it makes me feel FAT!! Weird I know.

God, I am ready when you are!

Mood: nauseated"{{{Karlene}}}
~~~~~~~~~~

I have been out of town for the past five days and was only able to just now check Karlene's journal to see how she was doing...

UPDATE #6 (Thursday, August 14, 2008)

"another update

Aug. 14th, 2008 at 4:23 PM

I saw my primary care physician and he is all for the Hospice thing. He is very saddened by it, but honors my wishes. He is more than willing to work with hospice to help them make me as comfortable as possible in my final days.

My digestive system hardly works anymore. I take sips of water and nurse tiny spoonfuls of FF yogurt, but that is all I can do. They couldn't even get a BP on me this morning because it was so low.

My mind is going quickly as I forget most of what I am doing. My heart palpitations are very frequent now. They are worried about me staying alone. My dr. has put me on pain meds as I am in so much pain now. My whole body is eating away at itself.

I am thinking about getting a walker as it is hard to walk standing straight up, let alone walk at all without some assistance. I am still very worried about how I will pay my monthly bills just living off my disability checks. That is stress I don't need right now.

Your love and prayers are still much needed. Please pray for not only my family, but for my financial situation as well. I am so appreciative to you all right now. Here is my mailing address, just in case some of you want to know: P.O. Box 365, Silver Lake, KS 66539.

"Medusa", I want to thank you as well!!

Love, Karlene

Mood: stressed"

Karlene, my heart is breaking for you. So many are praying for a miracle for you. I hope our prayers are answered.

Much love to you,

Medusa

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #5 (Tuesday, August 12, 2008)

"A plea to my readers

Aug. 12th, 2008 at 10:22 AM

Hi all

I wanted to make a plea to those of you who are kind enough to read my journals. Unfortunately I have been banned from "proanorexia" so I can't post there.I believe it is very important for the readers to read my latest journals concerning my declining health and what EDs can ultimately lead to.

Can someone please either post this for me or tell them to read my journals. They need to go to my journal site:

http://chronicanorexic.livejournal.com/

My evaluation went well with the hospice people. They now just have to send for my medical records to see if I qualify. Apparently I have to be given only 6 months to live, according to my doctors. Sometimes I don't see myself living even that long.

Although I still see fat spots on me, I can also see that the person staring back at me who looks like a skeleton with skin stretched over it. I'm in so much pain--joint pain, muscle pain, back pain, bone pain, everything hurts. I try to eat a little yogurt. It is getting harder and harder to even swallow.

I keep asking God to take me SOON, not only bc the pain is unbearable, but bc I don't want my parents to see me in a prolonged state of sedation until I slowly pass away. I worry so much about them. But I know God will take care of them.

I often wake up and wonder if this is the day. Bad thing is I have to live off of my disability checks (which is NOTHING) and can't pay some of my bills. But it would be impossible for me to work right now. The stress doesn't help any.

Thank you all!

Mood: blank "

~~~~~

"waiting...as my health declines

Aug. 12th, 2008 at 9:51 AM

My evaluation went well with the hospice people. They now just have to send for my medical records to see if I qualify. Apparently I have to be given only 6 months to live, according to my doctors. Sometimes I don't see myself living even that long.

Although I still see fat spots on me, I can also see that the person staring back at me who looks like a skeleton with skin stretched over it. I'm in so much pain--joint pain, muscle pain, back pain, bone pain, everything hurts. I try to eat a little yogurt. It is getting harder and harder to even swallow.

I keep asking God to take me SOON, not only bc the pain is unbearable, but bc I don't want my parents to see me in a prolonged state of sedation until I slowly pass away. I worry so much about them. But I know God will take care of them.

I often wake up and wonder if this is the day. Bad thing is I have to live off of my disability checks (which is NOTHING) and can't pay some of my bills. But it would be impossible for me to work right now. The stress doesn't help any.

Mood: distressed"
~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #4 (Friday, August 8, 2008)

"These pics were taken a day before I entered the hospital, at 73 lbs. "

"Update--not good news

Aug. 6th, 2008 at 11:09 AM
Hi all~

I wanted to let you know that I am now at home from the hospital. I spent two weeks on a feeding tube. My weight is still critically low (upper 70s), and they were just able to get me stable. I am still very weak and not doing very well.

My doctors there have suggested Hospice care for me due to my failing health. I was told my heart is smaller and weaker and my organs are showing signs of failure. Midland Hospice Care (in Topeka) will come to my apartment tomorrow to do an evaluation on me to see if I qualify. When my doctors and therapists talked to them yesterday, it sounds like I will.

I don't know if any of you are aware of what exactly this means, but it is basically saying I am in the end stages of my disease, that I am terminal. They (hospice--which includes drs., nurses, social workers, home health aides, etc.) will care for me in my home on a regular basis until I am no longer able to care for myself. I will then go to a hospice or nursing facility where they will keep me as comfortable as possible until I pass away.

I know all of this sounds grim, but I am trying to accept it as reality, as my doctors and therapists fear the worst. Thank you to everyone who have kept me in your prayers. Your kind words mean a lot to me! Please continue to keep me, but especially my family, in your prayers!

I hope I don't die alone and have my family surrounding me at the end.

Love, Karlene

Mood: gloomy"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #3 (Monday, July 21, 2008)"Jul. 21st, 2008 at 6:23 PM

Well, tomorrow's the day. I'm going inpatient for the 15th time! This will be the 8th time at the same hospital/treatment facility. Once again, I'm terrified!

I weigh 73 lbs. and I do NOT want my bones to be covered in FAT!! I love to see them stick out. I see bones I never even knew I had! I can't help but feel proud.

What will I be without it? I don't know who I am without anorexia. It's been with me for 22 yrs. I NEED it! And now they are going to try and take it away from me.

I already know when I get out that I am going to lose the weight they put on me. I'm in terrible pain and I am so very weak, but I don't want to feel better! I need the pain, I deserve the pain. If I feel so bad, it means I am doing something right. I don't want to do this!

Mood: distressed"

~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE #2 (Monday, July 21, 2008)

"Jul. 17th, 2008 at 5:58 PM
Well it seems I am being admitted into the hospital on Tuesday morning (July 22). I am scared out of my wits! I do NOT want my bones to be covered with FAT! I see and feel bones I never even knew I had! I can't handle them going away! I NEED them! They give me comfort and safety.

Because my BMI is so low (13 something), they will have me on complete bed rest with a person sitting with me 24/7!

I have been passing out and I am purging anything I put in my mouth, even if it is an ounce or two of water, and I am spitting up blood. I want to DIE before I have to go in! I can't handle another hospitalization!

I am on pain medication for my kidney infection (Darvocet with 650 of acetimediphen), so I just took 6 of them, plus 2 mg of Ativan and 4 mg of Xanax. I can feel them kicking in. I'm feeling sick. I just want to sleep and sleep. I know I haven't taken enough to kill me, but maybe it will do some damage. I was in the hospital a few months back for ODing on the same thing and this is exactly how I felt. Only this time I don't have my therapist to MAKE me go to the ER.

Well, I need to stop for now bc I am beginning to see spots before my eyes and feel I'm about to pass out. I will write again before I have to go to the hospital on Tuesday (if I am still alive by then). Mood: lethargic "
~~~~~~~~~~

"Jul. 12th, 2008 at 9:35 AM
My therapist is threatening to "leave me" for good if I don't go into the hospital! I don't want to go but I don't want to lose her. Nobody understands me like she does.
So I called the hospital and they said they want me to come back in, that my "condition is severe." They are afraid I will die before I get there. I hope I do bc I can't take another forced weight gain! I can't do this again!

ED is beating me up severely for calling them. I am not done losing weight! My weight is still in the low 70s, it's got to get in the 60s!

The admissions lady at the hospital is going to call me Tuesday for my phone assessment. This will be my 7th time there. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!! I hope I die soon! I'm so very very tired!!

Mood: distressed"
~~~~~~~~~~

Jul. 10th, 2008 at 9:38 AM
Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while to give you an update. My therapist insists on me going back into the hospital. I have become so weak, I barely can get up off the futon. I have had a really bad kidney infection for the past two weeks. I'm in a lot of pain.

I feel sorry for my family bc I can see the pained look on their faces when they see me and give me a hug (as if they may break me). We don't talk about my failing health and anorexia, about my impending death.

I'm sorry everyone!!! I'm such a failure! Here are a couple of new pics. I only take them if I am losing weight. I still see FAT legs!! Love and hugs to all-----"

~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #1 (Sunday, June 29, 2008)

This is so tragic it's difficult for me to post. I just checked this woman's journal and found this latest entry which was posted a few hours ago:" 74 lbs!!!

Jun. 29th, 2008 at 4:32 PM

Seems I have been banned from the site, proanorexia. Oh, well, I will soon be gone............

I have a new user pic (taken this morning). I've lost 2 lbs over the weekend, now down to 74 lbs.

5'4"
HW: 120
LW: 74
CW: 74
GW: 60

My therapist called the hospital I was at in Jan. and Feb. and they are insisting I come back in. They fear for my life. I fear LIFE..period! With my financial situation, I don't know how I could afford to be in the hospital for months. I just want to disappear, shrink away to nothing, die in peace! Give my parents the relief of no longer having to see me like this. My kidneys are failing, by bones hurt, it hurts to even walk...my body's giving out, but it's taking so very long and is so very painful. I'm faddddddiiiiinnnngggg aawwwwaayyy!!!!!!!!

Mood:Dying"

~~~~~

MY ORIGINAL POST FROM JUNE 6/08:

I stumbled upon this woman's journal and pictures moments ago and am heartsick. She may not have long to live. The comments posted under all the pictures are hers.

Her words... posted May 27th, 2008 at 8:55 AM:

"Hi, I am new to this site. I'm 39 yrs. old and have been anorexic for 22 years, but it's been severe for about the last 9-10 years, in and out of NUMEROUS treatment centers and hospitals, being fed through a feeding tube in the nose, a PEG tube surgically placed in my stomach and "fed" that way for over a year! (no food by mouth).

My normal weight @ 5'4" is 120 lbs. (which was about 10 yrs. ago), but now I weigh 77 lbs.

I purge (up to 8 times a day), anything I put in my mouth. I can't stand it! I have pics of myself on my site of my beautiful bones. I am obsessed with taking pics of myself and scrutanizing them (fat spots, etc.).

My therapist won't see me until I go into the hospital. I have lots of medical problems going on, but I can't help wanting to just disappear! I'm not sure I am pro ana, but I want to get thinner and thinner.

I don't recommend getting yourself stuck in this rut. It's pure hell once it takes over your mind and body! PAIN like no other!! Unbelievable PAIN!!!!!!!"

Mood: exhausted"

"A view from above @76 lbs. May '08"

"If you look closely enough, you can see the scars from my PEG tubes"

"76 lbs. "

And her latest post from yesterday, June 7, 2008, at 10:53 a.m:

"I want to thank all of you for your continued support! It helps so much.

I can't even begin to tell you the hell I co thru 24/7, the physical and emotional torture! Why do I do this to myself? I feel I don't deserve to live, to breathe, to take up space on this earth.

I have written a good-bye letter to my family and friends and keep it near my bedside. I want them to know how much I love them and how sorry I am for hurting them so much! The are in their early 70s and are not in good health (my dad recovering from a heart attack and mom having to go get serious back surgery performed). I feel it is all my fault. Me and this stupid MONSTER inside my head! I've just been through so many treatment centers, hospitals, psychiatrists, therapists, specialists, painful procedures, etc. that I have lost all hope of ever getting better!

Stay strong on the RECOVERY path!!

Mood: depressed"

~~~~~~~~~~

And among some very wonderful, supportive comments to this poor woman's posts were some shocking questions asked of her:

Q. "Lol, if could turn just even one off of purging it was well worth posting it."

Her answer: "I hope it shows what purging can do to your teeth! ANd I'v always had nice straight white healthy teetch. Now they are gone and rotting (which is very painful!!). thank you for the post"

Q: "god I wish I could look like you!! oh, and I know this sounds kinda weird, but were you the girl that was in Dr. Phil?? you look Identical"

Her answer: "No, sorry. She was much thinner than me, however I have more serious medical complications and have literally been given a death sentence bc of my failing kidneys"

[NOTE: Aimee Moore was the anorexic/bulimic featured on the Dr. Phil show. You can search my blog for the posts relating to Aimee]

Q: "to tell you the truth i wish i had a death sentence. I hate living like this!! it's utter torture!! do you know how long you have to live?"

Her answer: "no i don't. but i've been told it could be any day. my potassium level is crically low and causings what the drs. call miny heart "attacks." my heart has shrnk to 40% or what it should be. Hon you don't want to go down this road! Live while you can!!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Please, I beg of you, if you are anorexic and/or bulimic, or suffering from any other eating disorder, please seek help immediately!

On the sidebar of my blog are hotline numbers and links to get you started on the road to recovery. Anorexia and bulimia are deadly diseases and take the lives of thousands and thousands of people yearly.

And please remember this woman's warning:

"I don't recommend getting yourself stuck in this rut. It's pure hell once it takes over your mind and body! PAIN like no other!! Unbelievable PAIN!!!!!!!"

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ANOREXIA NERVOSA: ALARMING SUICIDE STATISTICS - [UPDATE - August 2, 2013]

UPDATE
 

On July 27, 2013, I received the following heartbreaking comment on this post from glen d about his niece's death:   

glen d said... my niece was 16 she was anorexic and she was in the hos ital then she was back home and she took her own life i can't understand this i've been reading about it on these sites I've been sick for about 2 days can't sto thinking about Rachel she was a lovely girl exce tional in so many ways if someone can hel me i want to understand what went wrong with her July 27, 2013 at 3:17 AM

 

If any of my readers have had a close friend or relative, who was suffering from an ED, take their own life, would they please share with glen d (in the comment section below) their feelings, their thoughts about what drove their loved one to commit suicide, and how they're coping with their loss.  Many thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Attempted Suicides in Anorexia Nervosa

They are frequent and serious.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death in anorexia nervosa (AN), and the suicide rate is eight times higher among young women with AN than in young women generally. To better delineate the issue, investigators analyzed data from 413 participants with current or lifetime AN (95% female) who were enrolled in an NIMH genetics study.

 

Overall, 17% had made a suicide attempt. An attempt was significantly more common among those with binge-eating, purging, or both (21%–29%) than among those with the restricter subtype (7%).

Of all suicide attempters, 52% reported one attempt; 39% reported two to four attempts; and 9% reported five or more attempts. Fifty-five percent had required medical attention for their most serious attempts, and 47% were hospitalized. Also, 78% reported wanting to die, 57% thought that they would die, and 54% made attempts rated as moderate to extreme.
Impulsivity accounted for 49% of attempts, with the remainder somewhat or thoroughly premeditated (each, 25%). Seventeen percent reported concurrent alcohol abuse at the time of the worst or only attempt, 9% reported concurrent drug abuse, and 82% reported a concurrent depressive episode. After adjustment for depression, attempts were associated with other impulsive behaviors (e.g., self-injurious behaviors, shoplifting), excessive drinking, substance use, panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and cluster B personality disorders.
"Comment:
Since this study recruited from both clinical and nonclinical populations, the very high rates of severe suicidality in patients with AN, particularly of the binge-eating/purging subtype, are particularly alarming. Clinical studies of AN patients have reported even higher rates.
Clinicians assessing and treating these patients should be alert to the constant risk for suicide, particularly among patients with indications of impulsivity and the other comorbid conditions identified here.
Joel Yager, MD"
Published in Journal Watch Psychiatry on May 23, 2008

Citation(s): Bulik CM et al. Suicide attempts in anorexia nervosa.

Psychosom Med, 2008 Apr; 70:378"

Suicide Is Not Painless

The Downside of Suicide
By Nancy Schimelpfening, About.com"Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses Give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live. "

Dorothy Parker (1893-1967): 'Resume' (1937)

"If the topic of suicide seems particularly gruesome or morbid, that's because it is meant to be. Suicide is not a fool-proof or painless proposition. The fact is that suicides fail and even when they succeed, it may not be at all like what you had imagined.

Even the Best Planned Suicide Can Fail

The New England Journal of Medicine (Feb 22, 2001, Vol. 344, No. 8) dealing with physician assisted suicide shows that even with expert medical advice, things can and do go wrong. The study was conducted in the Netherlands, where euthanasia is legal. Some of the statistics reported:
In 16% of cases where patients tried to kill themselves with drugs prescribed by a doctor, the medication did not work as expected.

Technical problems or unexpected side effects occurred 7% of the time.

Problems occurred so often that in 18% of cases a doctor had to intervene to ensure death.

Even when a doctor performed the procedure, patients took longer to die than expected or awoke from a drug-induced coma that was meant to be fatal in 6% of cases.

If a physician can't pull off a perfect suicide, what are the odds that you will?

Suicide is Not Pretty

Assuming your suicide does go as planned, what do you imagine will be the scene left behind? Do you have glamorous fantasies of being found with a peaceful smile upon your face? Consider the following:

When you die, you lose control of your bodily functions. To put it nicely, you defecate and urinate on yourself.

If you have taken an overdose, you may vomit before you become unconscious.

Violent forms of suicide such as cutting ones wrists, hanging or gunshots leave a very grisly task for whoever has to clean up afterwards.

Victims of strangulation and hanging will be bloated and purple.

Your chosen method of self-annihilation may present a safety hazard to whoever finds you.

The High Cost of Living

So what are the consequences if you survive a suicide attempt?

The best is that you will live to discover the truth about depression: that it really is a temporary condition. Circumstances change and medications work. The old saying that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem is sage advice. When the blinders of depression are lifted you see very clearly how true this is.

The worst result of a failed suicide is that you will be worse off than you were before.

Consider these facts:

If your brain goes without an oxygen supply for more than about three minutes, you will suffer permanent brain damage.

Gunshot wounds that miss will leave you with permanent disfigurement and disability.

Overdoses on many substances will leave you with damage to kidneys and liver.

People who have swallowed caustic substances like lye can survive with severe burns to their GI tract.

Just about all suicide methods have the risk of severe, possibly prolonged pain if things go awry.

The Hurt Doesn't Go Away After Suicide

Perhaps the most common reason people commit suicide is to stop the pain the are feeling inside. The thing is, the pain doesn't go away. It gets transferred to those you love. Your parents, your spouse or significant other, your kids, your friends and acquaintances. Everybody you know is touched to some extent by suicide.

Grief is one of the strongest emotions a person can feel. Do you really want to make your loved ones feel the sort of pain you are feeling? Think about it. If you are convinced that people will be better off without you, you are dead wrong.

It's Your Choice

This article is not meant to be an all-inclusive list of reasons why you should not take your own life, but is meant to give you a starting point in really thinking about what it is that you are considering.

If you are reading this, then you are an intelligent person who is capable of making informed choices about where you want your life to go. Do you really want your life to end? Or just the pain?

Depression is a treatable illness. If what you really want is relief from your depression then you owe it to yourself to exhaust all of your treatment options before choosing the final solution of death.

Warning Signs of acute risk for suicide

Talking About Dying -- any mention of dying, disappearing, jumping, shooting oneself, or other types of self harm.

Recent Loss -- through death, divorce, separation, broken relationship, loss of job, money, status, self-confidence, self-esteem, loss of religious faith, loss of interest in friends, sex, hobbies, activities previously enjoyed

Change in Personality -- sad, withdrawn, irritable, anxious, tired, indecisive, apathetic

Change in Behavior -- can't concentrate on school, work, routine tasks

Change in Sleep Patterns -- insomnia, often with early waking or oversleeping, nightmares

Change in Eating Habits -- loss of appetite and weight, or overeating

Diminished Sexual Interest -- impotence, menstrual abnormalities (often missed periods)

Fear of losing control -- going crazy, harming self or others

Low self esteem -- feeling worthless, shame, overwhelming guilt, self-hatred, "everyone would be better off without me"

No hope for the future -- believing things will never get better; that nothing will ever change

Other things to watch for: Suicidal impulses, statements, plans; giving away favorite things; previous suicide attempts, substance abuse, making out wills, arranging for the care of pets, extravagant spending, agitation, hyperactivity, restlessness or lethargy.If you feel you can't go on, please give yourself a chance to get help by either calling the suicide hotline numbers or clicking on the links listed below:
Suicide Hotlines:

National Suicide Hotlines USA
United States of America

Toll-Free / 24 hours a day / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE 1-800-273-TALK
1-800-784-2433 1-800-273-8255

1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
Deaf Hotlinehttp://www.suicidehotlines.com/national.html

CANADA:http://www.suicidehotlines.com/canada.html

INTERNATIONAL:http://www.suicidehotlines.com/international.html

Many thanks to Sherrie of pinch of... for bringing the Anorexia Nervosa/Suicide study to my attention.

(all bolding mine throughout this post)

LINKS:
http://www.suicidehotlines.com/
http://www.sfsuicide.org/html/warning.html

http://resim.urlax.net/Depression_and_suicide_resimleri_fotograflari_mRl7KFG3N5Uq.aspx
http://depression.about.com/cs/suicideprevent/a/suicide.htm

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STARVATION = SKIN & BONES = DEATH

"Death doesn't bargain."

(August Strindberg, The Dance of Death)

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ANOREXIC, BULIMIC, PRO ANA / MIA? SOME TIPS, IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS...[UPDATED WITH A COMMENT FROM BONYPINK]

Anorexic body of older woman

UPDATE FROM BONYPINK (April 18, 2010)

"BonyPink said...

Thank you very much for removing the photo, I have been trying for YEARS to get them all off the net.

There was a point in time, some years back, where you couldn't find a single stupid pro-ana site that didn't have at least one or two of those horrible photos on it.

Over the years, thankfully, I've been legally getting hundreds of websites shut down and/or those photos removed. I usually ask them first, but often some of them actually have the audacity to tell me "no." It is then that I involve my lawyer and teach the little brats a lesson they won't forget about photo-theft.

I've even had to put up with some of those idiot pro-anas/wannarexics telling me things about the photos such as, "If you didn't want people to take them, you shouldn't have posted them online."

I DIDN'T post them online. I was forced to pose in those photos (along with another girl who I became friends with while this was going on) by a horrible man who raped and beat us daily. He had been holding us against our will and forcing us to pose nude and semi-nude in pornographic fetish photos for these horrible sick anorexic fetishists. So, no, I did NOT post those terrible photos on the internet.

Oh, by the way. No worries about you, though, 2Medusa. I haven't grouped you in with those rotten pro-ana idiots. I know you only meant to show the harsh reality of eating disorders, and I am very glad that you, too, speak out against the horrible pro-anas as well as try to educate the public about eating disorders. (I do this as well over my own websites and over facebook, youtube and xanga.)

Best wishes to you, and thank you again for removing the photo(s).

----------------------
Oh yes, I almost forgot...

As for whoever it was up there who said I was never anorexic, "d'arcy" I think;

I am terminally ill, residing in a hospice, dying from multiple organ failure which has been caused by anorexia nervosa, type II. I've been diagnosed with anorexia nervosa for over 25 years (not counting the years I had the illness before being diagnosed). My anorexia nervosa was caused by FGM and being raped and abused all throughout my childhood, adolescence and adulthood.

There are a LOT of rumors about me floating around the internet. I would suggest that unless you have spoken directly to ME, not to spread any more of them, please.
April 18, 2010 6:13 PM"

Tips from an Ana website

(complete with typos & redundant tips)

Please note that I did not write these. These "tips" are all over the internet.

"Remember that you do have to eat sometimes. Not a lot of course but you have to eat something. Make sure you eat at least two things each day.

Remember that Ana is not always fun. It can be so awful sometimes you'll want to die. You'll learn alot about yourself but we don't want any accidents do we? There no use being thin if your dead.

There's food inside the fridge right? Wrong. All thats in the fridge is faliure! Is that what you want?

Does Ana want to go in the fridge? No she does not. Its time youy started paying attention to what Ana wants, not what you want.

The butter is congeled custard, the meat dead cat (eww) etc etc, Make up gross images for all the foods you snack on.

Open the fridge. Look inside. Look at all that food. Is it really that great? You don't need it really do you?

Anorexic Wallmeyer Twins

The food is sneaky. It is trying to tempting you to eat it and get fat/ter. Try this when your alone: Look at the food and laugh at it. No seriously, try this. Laugh at the food and tell it out loud how stupid it is. Tell it how it can't tempt you and you won't be going anywhere near it. Tell the food you don't need it. This is very helpful when your craving. It helps me all the time.

If all else fails, i hear padlocks are effective ;)

Never eat anything bigger than about a cup, your stomach will expand and then you'll get hungry more.

Eat in front of a mirror naked. See how much you can eat then!

Hit your stomach (just not too hard) if it's growling too loudly.

Curl up in a ball if you have hunger pains.

Wear perfectly applied lip gloss. It makes you more aware of what's going in your mouth. Also, flavored ones help with cravings.

When going out, take only the amount of money you'll need. Nothing extra, that way you won't be tempted to spend it on food.

Have 6 small meals a day. Take 2 apples, and split them so you can make 6 meals out of them. That way your body will be tricked into thinking it's eating more.

Hair loss caused by anorexia

Find a buddy onine, and do fasts with them, competitions, or just have someone to email when you're craving.

Wear a rubber-band around your wrist and snap it against your skin when you are tempted to eat.

If you eat right before bed, lay on your left side so the food goes through your system faster.

Chew gum if you need to cook so you won't eat any of the food.

If you're a smoker and hungry, light up a cigarette. It curbs your appetite.

Before you dig into that cake, bag of chips, candy, or whatever, take a deep breath and count to 100. Usually by the time you get to 100 you will have convinced yourself that you don't really want it.

When you're hungry chug 2 glasses (or how many you need) of straight water. It'll make you so full and nauseous you will have completely lost your appetite.

Spin in circles, you will be too nauseous to eat.

If you're right handed, eat with your left hand. It will take a lot longer to get the food to your mouth.

Find something that makes you feel ill or unpleasant and think or look at it as you eat. After a while you make begin to associate food itself with unpleasantness.

Hand of a 46-year-old anorexic woman

Fidgeting burns 500-800 extra calories a day. Suck in your tummy and squeeze your buns, bounce your legs, sway side to side, swing your feet, ect.

Take a shower. Hot steamy water can suppress your appetite and paying close attention to your body will remind you exactly why you're losing weight in the first place.

When eating, put down your silverware or sip water in between each bite. Your stomach will feel full faster and you are less likely to overeat.

Chew every bite at least thirty times. Your food will taste better and you will be much more satisfied. Don't swallow until all the flavor is gone from of each bite.

Pay attention to when and what you are eating. Ask yourself: "Do I really want to eat this?"

Weigh yourslef before and after every time you eat. Not only will it eliminate unnecessary eating, but it will make you want to eat less when you see the numbers creep up.

When dining out, no matter what the waiter says about the fat or calorie content of food assume everything is covered with butter, even the silverware.

Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.

Make it a rule that you always have to burn twice the calories you consume (i.e., if you ate something with 100 calories, you would have to burn 200). The thought of all the exercising you would have to do can be very discouraging.

Anorexic girl

Turn the temperature down in your car/house, or open windows in your room at night, so that you'll be colder and your body will have to burn calories to keep warm.

When you lose weight reward yourself with something you want (not food obviously). Shopping is always good.

Instead of buying food, buy yourself flowers. Food is depressing, but flowers make you happy.

Exchange a bad habit for a good one (i.e. someone trades smoking for jogging). This may be hard, but very rewarding if you can do it. Exchange eating for yoga, or meditation, or reading more.

Think higher of yourself! You're too good to put THAT in your body!

Save the money you would have spent on that meal in a jar. Save it in a bottle instead and watch it grow.

Eat vicariously. Watch other people eat, and feel superior! You don't need that food. They are feeding their fat bodies and they're getting fatter! You can see then growing! How repulsive.

Anorexic young woman

Brush your teeth frequently. A fresh mouth helps keep you from wanting to eat.

Different sleeping habits. Go to bed later than everyone else, so you can exercise while they're sleeping. Wake up later, and have a light breakfast when they eat lunch, they'll think nothing of it.

If you feel like you want to eat, go to a friends house that you cannot just raid the fridge at.

Spoil your food. As soon as you've cooked/served up your meal, put too much salt, pepper, sauce, (or even detergent) on it. That way you won't want to eat it!

Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel like eating.

Brush your teeth when you feel like eating.

Ok, so you feel hungry. Its all in your head. Don't waste time with food. Food is a hindrance to your progress and we know Ana is always watching. Are you seriously going to eat in FRONT of her. Lets not be rude.

Ana knows you can do this and you knew you could do this before you started thinking about food. So stop dreaming of cookies, focus yourself and remember why your hungry in the first place. You want this, you need this so don't wreck it now.

Leave the house with no money and walk around, chase butterflies, take the dog until the need to binge has gone.

If your by your self start yelling at your self. Tell your self you don't need this. Scream if it helps. Just get the binge feelings out of your system. I find this very effective.

Spray perfume on the food you're dying to eat. You won't (and shouldn't cause you'll get really sick) eat it then.

Be sure to fuck up your relationship with food from the start. You want to make yourself as neurotic as possible about food, eating, kitchens, cutlery, refrigerators, restaurants, and hey, why not stretch this out even further and start hating the actual source of foods, in other words the actual animals and plants.

Associate food with disgusting things. Draw pictures of juicy red apples, somehow morphing into giant dead rotting pigs. Put pictures of fat girls on your fridge, or better yet, pictures of yourself for a bit of productive self-loathing.

Karlene, who is anorexic, showing her loss of teeth from bingeing & purging

Link: THE SHOCKING FACE OF ANOREXIA & BULIMIA...KARLENE IS IN HOSPITAL (NOVEMBER 10, 2008)

Create a list of suitable punishments either for thinking of food, or for caving in and eating food itself. A good one to try is to keep a rubber band on your hand and flick your skin whenever you think of eating. Eventually you will have a swollen hand, and a shrunken body; you will have ceased thinking of food so much. Other punishments include ridiculous amounts of exercise, purging, self-mutilation, isolation, basic denial of necessary comforts such as blankets on a cold night, or shelter when it is raining.. or simply menial, disgusting tasks such as cleaning the bathroom. Remember, you need discipline.

Trick yourself into believing your life sucks. Be mean to people so that they instigate fights, just to make you constantly on edge, or nervous, so you cant eat. After all, you'll be light-headed and dizzy, and irritable from not eating, so you have an excuse. Become an angst-ridden teenager. You'll be making yourself nauseous from worry and self hatred in no time.

Anorexic mantras

"An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person."
"I'm not starving myself...I'm perfecting my emptiness."
"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."


Look at pictures of anorexics. This should be enough to sufficiently fuck up and cloud your perceptions. Above all, convince yourself you are above others, a hero, owing to your spectacular powers of restraint. Feel elitist. Feel as though you are somehow super-human for resisting the urge to eat. Feel better than the other mere mortals who dig in to their cereal and their donuts. Believe in the power of starving as though it were a religion.

Terri Schiavo, RIP

Link: TERRI SCHIAVO: BULIMIA & ITS DEADLY CONSEQUENCES...

Make up rules you cannot deviate from. Only allow yourself one food a day. You will get sick of the taste and therefore eat less due to boredom.

Brush your teeth and tongue all the time. Food will taste yukky with toothpaste, so whats the point of eating it?

Eat while in the front of the mirror naked. You will be completely repulsed, and repelled from the food. This is a good thing.

Feel your hunger..don't try to suppress it. You WANT to be hungry. If you're not then you're not doing it right. Hunger is not your enemy!

Did you know that there are 2 pounds of dead skin on you right now!!?! Thats right! 2 POUNDS! ...if you're underweight or in starvation mode your body does not "shed" its skin the way it should. It holds on to it.

Pinch your thigh and see how you don't need food, because you should be eating your own flesh all away from the inside first, before you are deserving of actual legitimate sustenance.

Buy some baby teething gel and rub it on your tongue, to numb your tastebuds.

If you're feeling brave enough to face the kitchen, go there and throw out any potential binge foods. If you must, pour bleach/disinfectant/dishwashing detergent on the food, and then throw it away!

Pinch your ear! Apply pressure to the front of the ear, one at a time.

Let perfume replace chocolate. Every time you have a craving, or pass a bakery, sniff some Chanel no. 5. Apply it to a tissue and carry it with you. Smell has a powerful effect on appetite.

Clean something. Cleaning something dirty can make you lose your appetite. The toilet, the litter box, under the kitchen sink, scrubbing out the garbage bin, anything grimy or smelly. The mess, along with the smell of the cleaner, can put you off food for a while.

Young girl, death from bulimia

Link: BULIMIA KILLS.....WARNING! GRAPHIC PICTURES

Deny anorexia at all costs. Pretend you have not noticed the pounds dropping off you. Don't be suspicious.

Whenever you do decide to eat, do it in the company of others. That way they can't say they never see you touch food.

Leave a dirty plate lying around every so often for your parents to yell at you about.

Drink out of opaque cups, and spit your food into it whilst preteding to drink. They'll never know.

Eat really slowly because if everybody else is on their third slice of pizza, they'll assume you are too, even if you're still finishing your first.

Sign out of hotmail and clear the history before you get off of the Internet. This will eliminate Autofill being ever so helpful while your Mum is researching aardvarks, and coming up with www.anorexicsanonymous.com for her. In short, don't leave traces lying around for others to find.

Purge in the shower, or in your sink while music is playing, people will be less supicious.

If you're about to binge, chew some gum, and think to yourself "2/3rd's of America is obese. Why add to that number?"

Make up places to go. say you're going to a friends house for dinner, or going out to a restaurant, and then just go somewhere where you can't eat.

When you are hungry do something gross like dig for worms clean a kitty litter box or something it will make you just not hungry.

Always eat teaspoon size amounts of food at any one time and chew well.

Check your head. Never eat anything bigger than your head, even lettuce. You'll only stretch your stomach out. Train your tummy to settle for less

If you love a certain food, save the wrappers even after you've eaten it. Smell it when you're hungry

Never eat anything bigger that your fist

Get your tongue pierced, therefore you can't eat

If you're being watched, try the opaque cup trick; pretend you're eating, and spit the food in the cup while you pretend to be drinking - don't forget to get rid of what's in the cup

Aimee Moore, before anorexia

Aimee Moore battling anorexia

Link: ANOREXIA & BULIMIA: THE TRAGIC LIFE OF AIMEE MOORE...LATEST UPDATE: AIMEE DISCHARGED FROM MAGNOLIA CREEK FOR PURGING (January 2, 2009)

Go to the kitchen often, and pretend your snacking, take a bite out of something and take a long time, look in the fridge, ETC! they will think you're always in the kitchen eating, and won't suspect anything.. trust me if you never go in the kitchen, your family *will* notice

Hit your stomach when it grumbles because that will make the sound go away and your stomach will hurt too much to eat

Persuade yourself that you don't like a food, take your favorite food and when you look at it and think yum, think yuck instead

Hide a plate or zip lock bag near your computer..right before supper go to your computer room and when supper is ready say your doing your homework and want them to bring your meal to you..when u get it just put it in the other plate or zip lock bag and bring the dish back up in 15 min.'s..it works just make sure u dispose of the food later

Taking more than the recommended dose of kelp makes you feel sick and you don't have to try and restrict ... not sure about the safety aspect of this tip though

Buy lunches/dinners of canned/contained foods, like lunch buckets, then without cooking them hide them in your room or locker as if you were eating them, and instead walk/drive them once a week to your local homeless shelter

When you are in school, grab something on your way out the door to eat(because you're in a hurry)-throw it out. Then when lunch time comes go to the library instead of with your friends -they will only fuck things up. Then get involved in an activity that goes really late so you come home after everyone else has eaten and you can take a plate of food to your room to eat while you are doing your homework (put the food in a bag and throw it out with tomorrows breakfast. The only thing is weekends- try to stay as busy as possible

Wearing "fashionable" gloves and scarves really helps when you get cold… and makes people less suspicious than if you're always bitching that you're cold when they're all fine

When you feel you need to eat, list the reasons why its not such a good idea, by then you'll most likely lose the craving, and you'll have convincing reasons not to eat

On an empty stomach coffee will make you feel sick and will curb your appetite.

Sniff scented markers or anything else that may smell like a fruit and then you won't be hungry anymore

Whenever you get hungry, think of all the people who made fun of you in junior high.

Samantha and Michaela Kendall, twins with anorexia, both now deceased

Link: ANOREXIA: REMEMBERING SAMANTHA & MICHAELA KENDALL

If you're annoyed at your family for always trying to make you eat breakfast with them, tell them (while holding your stomach with your arms and looking like you're about to puke) that you always feel sick after you eat in the morning so early. Or that you have to go swimming in a few hours, and that you don't like eating before that.

Eat a tiny piece of onion (like 1/2 in square). That way you have onion breath and people believe you really ate.

After you eat brush your teeth. You won't want to eat when you have that minty taste and you teeth are clean

Get tape or those roll up bandages and wind them tightly around your stomach..it stops you from eating because you can't get the food down properly and you also look thinner

If you eat at night before you go to bed make sure you lay on your left side it makes the food go through your system faster and wont have as much time to suck fat out of the food. but you shouldn't eat before you go to bed slows down your metabolism

Just keep yourself extremely busy, almost to the point of being completely stressed out and you can go for 8hrs without being hungry or wanting to eat

If you don't feel comfortable not eating too much, eat only a hard boiled egg, an apple, and a glass of water. It will fill you up all day

If you live with your parents, go to bed early & sleep late to avoid some meals, then go out in the day, & say you've eaten a lot. Also, keeping busy will burn more calories

If you can, get a job around food. I work at an Arby's, and it has curbed my appetite drastically

If sitting at school, college etc. constantly tap your feet/fingers. Fidgeting throughout day is proven to burn up to 800 calories per day

If you're talking about celebrities, make sure to mention how you think Calista Flockhart is too thin and that you think Kate Winslet is gorgeous. Praise fat and people will never guess that you're starving yourself into thinness

Wear nail polish to cover up the bluish tinge that starvation gives your fingernails so others don't suspect it as much

Have to go to a restaurant with someone? Some ways you can avoid eating much - 1. veganism (makes it hard to find suitable food); 2. severe food allergies (always a good answer when they offer chocolate!), or 3. order something that you've never tried before. When you taste it, say you don't like it

Think about what the food would look like in your body after you have eaten it... hopefully that will put you off

My friend, Karlene, November, 2008

Link: KARLENE, MY HEART IS BREAKING...

If you're with your family or something, and you're at a buffet, spend most of the time acting like you're picky, and walk around the buffet tables. Then just get a little something and spit it in your cup or something. Sneak in some exercise too while you're walking

Hit your stomach when it grumbles because that will make the sound go away and your stomach will hurt too much to eat.

Every time you are about to eat something ask yourself "Do I really want that food more than I want to be skinny?"

Make up crazy food rituals and follow them religiously. Track them in your Ana book.

Associate food with feeling sick. You wont want to eat something,if the sight of it repulses you.

Only eat with skinny people, and then eat half of what they eat.

Video tape yourself, and look at it to see how fat you look.

Dont eat lunch- save your lunch money and buy a present for yourself later.

Watch what other people, especially fat people, eat, and feel superior...because they are feeding their fat bodies and they're getting fatter!

Check the fridge when nobody else is around...find food that you would have eaten and get rid of it..then you can say that you ate it

Only eat when other people can see you. That way they cant say "you never eat!"

Leave dirty dishes around the house (example: pour a little milk in a bowl and put some peices of cereal in it and say you ate it) people will think your eating

Don't act oddly. If you're always commenting on how skinny people are or how fattening certain foods are, someone's bound to find how obsessed you are, no one needs to know this except for you.

If you go to a resturant and really cant stand the thought of eating then take a purse lined with plastic inside and order a low fat meal and eat some but when no-one is looking drop some in the bag. ***BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL WITH THIS!!!***

Try not to give too much attention to the mirror when people are near, people might notice.

Avoid watching movies about ana or mia when friends or family are around. Trust me...this makes their suspicion grow!

Just plain out loud lie, it always works, unless its an obvious lie or your a bad liar.

Calculate how much money you're saving by not eating and add this up until you have enough to buy something you like (but not food).

Think about food before and while you eat it. Think about where it came from and exactly what happened to it before it reached you. This works particularly well with meat, dairy, and egg products.

Find something that makes you feel vaguely ill or unpleasant, get a picture of it, and put the picture beside your food. Switch pictures frequently and make sure to look at the pictures while you eat. After a while you may began to associate food itself with unpleasantness, which will make you less inclined to eat.

Sabotage your food. Make it with too much water, too little sugar, an ingredient you don't care for. Add too much salt or pepper before you eat. You will eat less of it if it tastes bad.

Remember, think thin, and try not to faint too often or die."

Hila Elmalich, RIP

Link with video on Hila: HOW MANY MODELS HAVE TO DIE ?

Parents, be vigilant. If your child is exhibiting any of the above behaviours, seek professional help for your child immediately.

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