Argy"hello .. I'm from mexico and I've read your blog is very good ... I'd like to share my story, my day to day with this monster that lives inside of me for over 8 years ... I have anorexia nervosa and my struggle is every day .. only the only thing I want is to disappear sometimes, I have lost the illusion of life, my life revolves around the damn food, calories, the scale, and my obsession for my bones ...
I currently weigh 31 kilos (68 pounds) but I can not see me as I have become .. I can not take some food to the mouth without wanting to vomit ... all I can afford is a cucumber and green tea .. and sometimes some orange juice ... but I feel good total to fast only with green tea or cucumber ...can not stand the idea of raising an ounce, I like myself against the thickness of my arms, my legs and feel every bone in your body ... if that's not I'm losing, fatal ...
my psychiatrist is treating me for 2 years but not able to do much ... I used to my meds that have helped me for insomnia, depression and suicide attempts my .. but sometimes I do not know if it is worth all this .. I have 23 years this year I finished college and graduated as a lawyer ... but that's not something that motivates me.
Now I'll tell you a bit more about me ... or rather the ways I see things today ..
I think people believe that not to hurt them or to punish them for something, it just has to do with me ... is that now is the time when I say "eat normally" but not so easy. The most absurd thing is that I myself realize how silly I am and how much risk you run. But the temptation to be thin and not eating it too.
When my stomach is empty I feel powerful. I do not want, but my disgust for food is greater than my sanity. I try to eat each day to leave behind something solid and fasting on liquids only, but I find it difficult because I've been very strict with myself. I feel terrible if as much. It's too abrupt a change for my head to eat anything to eat something, to gain or lose weight in any case, no weight loss and weight maintenance. I have yet the panic of any food that is not healthy for me. As I taste something that is not well, something that could make me gain weight I panic and I can not swallow it or just run to vomit ..
Now I'll tell you a bit more about me ... or rather the ways I see things today ..
I think people believe that not to hurt them or to punish them for something, it just has to do with me ... is that now is the time when I say "eat normally" but not so easy. The most absurd thing is that I myself realize how silly I am and how much risk you run. But the temptation to be thin and not eating it too.
When my stomach is empty I feel powerful. I do not want, but my disgust for food is greater than my sanity. I try to eat each day to leave behind something solid and fasting on liquids only, but I find it difficult because I've been very strict with myself. I feel terrible if as much. It's too abrupt a change for my head to eat anything to eat something, to gain or lose weight in any case, no weight loss and weight maintenance. I have yet the panic of any food that is not healthy for me. As I taste something that is not well, something that could make me gain weight I panic and I can not swallow it or just run to vomit ..
And the look and feel so small every part of the body can achieve in my inexplicable complacency during this time so I can love my body, which is illogical in some way.
I feel pressure in my house, my family expects a lot from me, and I am sorry to disappoint and make every effort to understand me and help me. I find it very silly of me. Life would be nicer if eaten as it should, but is that simply I can not. It's stronger than me.
And then another thing: If I weigh myself and the scale scores less than last time I'm relieved and I would eat a little. It is therefore a necessity, not a weak pleasure. The food has slowly invaded my life and be a secondary aspect has become paramount. I dominate, I hate it.
I feel pressure in my house, my family expects a lot from me, and I am sorry to disappoint and make every effort to understand me and help me. I find it very silly of me. Life would be nicer if eaten as it should, but is that simply I can not. It's stronger than me.
And then another thing: If I weigh myself and the scale scores less than last time I'm relieved and I would eat a little. It is therefore a necessity, not a weak pleasure. The food has slowly invaded my life and be a secondary aspect has become paramount. I dominate, I hate it.
I'm broken in two: on the one hand I feel guilty about eating too little and throw the food but the other party is stronger, I dominate. If I've gone legit I'm clever ... I'm going crazy. Flatter me so much that people tell me how thin I am and how bad I see it is strange but affirm that way things are going as I want.
~ Argy"
~ Argy"
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