Tuesday, June 3, 2008

PRO ANA & PRO MIA: THE RED & BLUE BRACELETS...

Pro-Ana Red Beaded Bracelet


Pro-Mia Blue Beaded Bracelet


ANA is red
MIA is blue

They wear red bracelets. They wear blue bracelets. And some wear both.

These beaded bracelets are the accoutrements of those living the pro-ana/pro-mia lifestyle, an underground movement that promotes self-starvation and/or bingeing/purging. Ana is short for anorexia, and mia is short for bulimia.

The bracelets are worn so that those who are pro ana/mia are able to recognize one another, to show that they are proud anorexics and/or bulimics, and to offer encouragement to lose weight, aka "thinspiration."

Many anas wear the red beaded bracelets on their left wrists; some wear them on the wrist of the hand they use to eat with as a constant reminder to resist hunger.

Mias wear the blue beaded bracelet on their right wrists.

The ana bracelets are distinguished by their silver dragonfly clasps, as seen in the photo above, and many pro anas refer to themselves as "Dragonflies." Dragonflies consider anorexia a lifestyle choice, as well as a badge of honour.


The pro-ana/mia lifestyle has taken flight on the Internet and is now a worldwide phenomenon.

This disturbing quote is from a pro-ana/mia blog:


"IFOF is a term that means "identification friend or foe" most commonly used in the aircraft industry. It is a thing on an airplane that tells people reading the signal if they are a friend or foe. We now have a system of our own. I got this from another site: Have you ever wondered if the skinny girl you see has an ED (A or M)? And proud of it? You so desperately want to ask, or even try to make friends but are scared? Well, no more ... since we have our ribbon "Ana is a lifestyle..." and its red.

I propose that we all get a red beaded bracelet. You can make it or buy them. Wear it daily or when you go out to secretly say that you are proud to be pro-ana or proud to have an ED that is. Anytime you see someone wearing a red beaded bracelet, capture their eye contact and point to your bracelet, and if they return the same point to theirs ... then they are ED friendly. If not, then its just someone whom is wearing one.

As for those who are older and feel silly wearing a beaded bracelet, wear a red t-shirt every Monday or when you go out on Mondays.

Please pass this along to every proED clubs, forums, websites (secrets/public) for we need to be known widespread secretly amongst us. So, copy/paste everyone!!!"


[NOTE: I have not posted the link to this blog for obvious reasons]

The proliferation of pro-ana/mia websites worldwide is a scourge and, unfortunately, getting those sites shut down is akin to tilting at windmills.

What can you do?

If you see your child wearing one of these bracelets, express your concern in a calm and non-threatening way. Don’t be surprised if your child acts defensively and becomes very angry when confronted. Many often have trouble admitting, even to themselves, that they have a problem with disordered eating. Explain why you are concerned, and make an appointment with a medical professional for an objective assessment of your child’s condition.

It is imperative that you have your child assessed as soon as possible because the pro-ana/mia adherents tend to pursue this lifestyle to the fullest extent, evidencing an “all or nothing " approach. It becomes, for many, a religious experience.

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49 comments:

Angelique said...

I love what you're doing here, Medusa! I've written a number of times about the bracelets, too.

Interestingly, I have yet to see anyone wearing one. But I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

Angelique
www.breakingthemirror.com

Medusa said...

Angelique! Thanks so much for your kind words :^)

I visited your site about a month ago and loved it. Keep up the great work, Angelique.

All the very best,
Medusa

Anonymous said...

it isnt to say that we are more proud! that is the little girls who want to be thin and things like that who dont really follow the lifestyle/disorder, whatever you wish to call it! the bracelets are to show that we struggle... not that we are proud! like people with depression wearing their own bracelets as well. people that truly have a ED tend to be ashamed and live in secrecy.. so before you assume things about something that you know nothing about, you should ask someone going through it!

Medusa said...

Anonymous, thanks so much for taking the time to comment on my post.

Your perspective is unique and your comments very much appreciated.

Anonymous said...

hey medusa i have seen things written bu you all over the web. I personally am not pro-ana but this seems to be one of the few sites i can comment on. Anyways after a long battle with ed i got a disease in hospital which is also screwing my bowel creating alot of malnutrtion. everyone thought it was ana again and i went along time without proper medical treatment now i have it i am battling to tell everyone how even when your better you will wish you could take it back. because i would have a higher survival rate if i wasn't malnurished to start with. i'd love to get in contact with you
lots of luv
me...

Medusa said...

(((anonymous))), thank you SO much for your comment.

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle and am relieved to hear you are now getting proper medical treatment.

Please feel free to contact me any time at gorgon@2medusa.com. A clickable link to my e-mail address is on the main page of my website.

Anonymous, thanks so much for sharing your story, and all the very best to you.

Hugs,
Medusa

Anonymous said...

Medusa,
Some people are happy, can you stop exposing them and trying to shut it down. it's gonna be that way like it or not. Not everyone wants to get better, because not every one thinks they're sick. So, stop giving uncaring parents advice about recognizing a child they lost years ago and leave everyone alone. Just because you can't stick to it and be happy, doesn't mean you should fuck it up for someone else.

Anonymous said...

only wannarexics are PROUD to have eds. many people who wear bracelets are indeed wannarexic. but the goal is not to show pride. it is to show other anas and mias you know what they are going through and that you struggle too

Anonymous said...

I am pro Ana. not a wanarexic or what ever it is you call them! the bracelets are an amazing idea I think it will help me alot, by making me feel apart of something and giving me the courage to go out. I don’t want to get better and don’t believe I need to. I know you are trying to help and thank you for that, but don’t be mean about the bracelets they really are a nice idea!
Thanks for reading x

Anonymous said...

Listen you asshole. Stop trying to ruin EVERYTHING we've worked so hard to achieve!! Just when we think we have a way to hide something from our already uncarring invasive parents, douche bags like you, have to come around and FUCK IT UP for EVERYONE! I personally think that asshole like you need to just LEAVE US ALONE and let us live our lives that way we want to! You have NO RIGHT to say that we need to be "exposed" or "watched" or hospitalize when there's NOTHING wrong with us!

People like you are probably just jealous because you're ugly, fat, unpopular and ProAna's are just plain BETTER than everyone else because we have SELF CONTROL and don't eat junk food every minute of the day! Get over yourself you jealous douche bag!

jana271 said...

Wow, the last few people who left comments sound VERY mature.

Anyway, I just wanted to say just how much I love your site Medusa. I just found it today and this is officially one of my new favorite sites. Thank you so much for this blog, it is very much appreciated!

-Feathers

Medusa said...

Jana271, thanks SO much for your very kind comments. I appreciate them so much.

All the best,
Medusa

Anonymous said...

I think the bracelets r a great idea u can relate 2 others that r pro. as i'm getting older i am finding it harder 2 keep myself thin i have put on some weight that i really hate myself 4 but i will keep going great site take care x

MrsMenopausal said...

Hi Medusa,
Just stopping by to say your blog is such a great asset, keep up the excellent work.

Despite the frantic disagreement of one anonymous poster,@7:36pm,I think it's important that parents and caregivers are educated about these bracelets. It may be the one thing that confirms suspicions they already had, or makes them aware of the situation so that they can take action and get their loved one the help they need. The earlier it's recognized and treated, the better the chance of recovery.

Thanks for posting about it.

Medusa said...

MrsMenopausal, thanks so much for your comments.

I couldn't agree with you more.

Many thanks.

~Medusa

Anonymous said...

Where can we purchase one of these bracelets? My friend feels like she is alone with treatment and I want to get her this to keep her chin up. Thanks Medusa. :)

Medusa said...

To Anonymous who posted on May 25, 2009 3:31 AM:

I think a bouquet of flowers, a box of sweets, or a book would better lift your friend's spirits.

Not all who wear these bracelets are struggling...many wear them to identify themselves as being pro-ana/mia.

Just sayin'...

Medusa

Anonymous said...

You people need to seek psychological help IMMEDIATELY! As for not wanting to get better, Eating Disorders are a mental disease of course you don't think you need help. When you push your body to the point where you can't have children anymore, or even to where you cannot live anymore it is TOO late. Aren't there people that love you? That are aching to see you this way? Some people with eating disorders legitimately cannot help themselves and others who claim they do just want attention. Either way, it is nothing to be proud of, EVER!

Shay said...

Well i wear a ana braclet
the thing is after thinking about it im not pro ana im just looking for a friend
and for the thinspiration thing lets hope other anas won't try 2 get someone that wants to recover thinspo
i use the ana braclet to find other anas so.....i won't have 2 lie to EVERYONE

Anonymous said...

I really don't like how you're patronizing pro-anorexic or pro-bulimic girls. Anorexia and Bulimia are both serious mental disorders. Sometimes the only thing a girl (or boy)has any control over is their body and weight. As for the 'disturbing' quote, it is so not disturbing in the least. Being pro-ana is a very hard thing to do and it is good to know that someone understands you. I love the idea of the bracelets.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm not ana or mia but I will wear both a red and blue bracelet from now on. I was ana for a while but now I only fast every once in a while...I'll wear the bracelets to tell people who have an ED that they can talk to me if they want to and that I understand what they're going through. My email is awuzumpawsom@hotmail.com...message me if you want.

Anonymous said...

I feel like a lot of the commenters on this post are completely missing the point. From the blurb that was written by Medusa at the beginning of this post, the bracelets are to show pride, not so much the struggle. I'm not really sure how people could be proud of being ana or mia, seeing as how, from what I've read, they seem to be very kept-to-themselves due to shame. I can't say much, due to lack of experience on the topic, but I do believe that the bracelets are a problem. Having an ED shouldn't be like being in a secret society. If you want to feel that way, make a secret society, don't go about trying to get yourself an ED!!! To first anonymous, how can you say that Medusa knows nothing about ED? I'm not sure that she has had one, but have you SEEN the rest of this site, or are you close-minded to just this thread? To Anonymous 2, I am sorry to hear that and I wish you all the best. To A3, you only *think* you're happy with an ED. How you can really think that, I'm not entirely sure, but you have a mental disorder, you aren't thinking clearly and therefore cannot determine that you are happy (which, when your body is falling apart, I can pretty much guarantee you aren't.) A4, I'm not sure if this is true or not, but according to the beginning of this thread, it seems false. A5, you should have the courage to go out into the real world and be who you are because I'm sure you're a wonderful person, and you don't need other pro-ana pro-mia people to do it!!!!! A6, you've worked HARD to achieve? What have you worked to achieve? Organ failure? Death? Pain? What is it you are trying to achieve? Suicide? A gun is faster! I apologize for this excruciatingly long post but I felt that some things must be said.
-Kyrii

Medusa said...

(((Kyrii)))

Thank you for responding so well to all those who posted anonymously and who did miss the point of this post.

Sometimes, I just don't have the energy to continually defend my posts or refute posters' comments, so I thank you for taking the time to share your views.

Hugs,
Medusa

Anonymous said...

Hi Medusa,

i just wanted to say that for every pro ana follower you get pulling you down when they leave a negative comment you have another hundred you help pull back from the brink.
i am one of those you helped pull back-i thank you eternally.

Medusa said...

(((Anonymous)))

I can't tell you how much your comment means to me. You made my day. Thanks so much.

And I'm so thrilled you stepped back from the brink. That takes enormous strength.

Sending hugs your way...

Medusa
xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

The bracelets aren't to show pride, unless you're a wanarexic. They're to identify you to fellow sufferers and to make you feel less alone. I have stopped wearing mine because people are starting to think they know what it means. I was not trying to 'convert' others, if it's possible to 'convert' people to a mental illness, but several times in a crowded place like a train I saw someone wearing one. A simple moment of eye contact, pointing to the bracelet and sharing a moment of understanding went a long way to making me feel less alone. Sadly, scaremongers mean it is no longer possible for me to get this comfort. Thanks a lot. Better hope I don't breathe on you, you might catch anorexia!

Anonymous said...

I think, it's important to let you know, there are many other bracelets in other colors that are relating to EDs.

Red: Ana

Purple: Mia

Pink: Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

white: fast/hunger and control

black: depression

blue: borderline

green: therapy

yellow: recovered

- Blue can be both borderline and mia. I can't figure out, which one is correct.

I myself have a green, white and red.
Not to show, that I'm proud, cuz that might be the last thing, I would be.
Not to let other people like me know, 'what' I am.
But to remind myself, what I am.
I think, the bracelets are an great idea.

The websites, you can't tell, what they are o us, if you're not sick.
I'm trying to recover. To go see, on a website, how I've been once, to see the struggle people go through through their comments on the sites.
It's pretty damn intense.
I don't say, they are Gods creations.
But they are certainly not pure evil!

About advice to parents I agree with Anonymous; January the 17.
If parents only see, you're struggling from an ED by looking at your jewelry - then they kind of suck at being parents.

Anonymous said...

so, i see many different people types- pro ana, pro mia, gay people ,ect.-have little tokens identifying themselves as having pride about something.. is there something out there for people with full body pride? something that allows us to identify with other curve lovers?

Medusa said...

is there something out there for people with full body pride? something that allows us to identify with other curve lovers?

Not that I know of, Anonymous.

Medusa

Ava said...

Dear Medusa,

I applaud you on this post.

Eyes

iscariotteh said...

I had the red bracelet too...

pro ana-s and mia-s...just need help...I needed..but I just couldn't ask for...I was always sayn' "you don't get it...you don't know what I am going trough...you'll never know"...and I felt good for my struggle...hunger and pain...was all that I wanted...the only thing that made me feel beautifull...but when I ate....anything...an apple...anything...I felt awfull..fat...ugly...unlikeble...and imediatlly throw up...so I could be clean again...

...Unitill the day....I got sick...my bones....my stomach...my teeth,my heart...my hair...everything was getting worse..and worse,for about 3 years...of mia and ana...
Help them...they wont ask for help..because they don't wanna be stopped..even though...we all know...that ana-mia faster or later...kills...

Nobody knows what I went trough...but you...all of you actually...all the pain...the tears...the fears and the most important...all of my dreams died...
I am ok now...I had the value to stop,a few months ago,when I got scared by all the pain my heart had to struggle with daily...but I am still afraid,I'll lose the strenght and fall for it again...

you can visit my blog www.iscariotteh.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...

Hi,

Just wanted to tell you that I love your site, Medusa. I like it how it does not skirt around eating disorders which is refreshing.
Do not let some of these bashers get you down because you are truly doing a great thing with this site.
I hope you're having a great roadtrip :-)
Shm

Medusa said...

Shm, thanks so much for your sweet words. They do my heart good :^)

Anonymous said...

I know that you guys wanna help but I am pro ana and I am 28 years old and I am extremely glad that I don't have parents to answer to anymore. If you don't want girls to have EDs maybe you should go after the media who says they are supposed to be thin who then turn around and try to shove big macs and whoppers down their throats. Maybe you should focus on fixing society and yourselves, instead of forcing them to go to treatment centers that are nothing more than glorified think camps.
I think that anorexia might be a good thing for a country that has almost a 30% obesity rate. Instead of having to play the balancing game of eating health food all the time which is WAAAAAYYYYY too expensive (especially for a teenager or young mothers) they just eat very little. I don't know if you really understand our troubles, but I do know that you want to make us think like you.....

Jodie Leanne said...

Just a point - I have anorexia, puring subtype, and I wear a red bracelet.

I am not pro ana in any way shape of form. I hate this life I lead.

I wear my bracelet to remind me of my troubles with food, and to remind myself to keep fighting. I associate the colour red with an ED and therefore I bought one while I was in Africa.

I think you're right though, always get things checked out - just remember red doesn't always mean pro.

Fantastic blog. I read it often.

J

Idorianch said...

Being anorexic is just a condition, it could be because of an infection or cancer, the word is not used in its wight context.

To have an ED is a different condition, its like drug adicts or alcoholics.. we know it hurts our body, but we want it, it doesnt matter if its because of the media, because our jobs, because our friends or even parents.. we WANT to be thinner we WANT to be perfect.

if we want a bracelet, if we want to let others know about our ways WE CAN.. you see tshirts, caps, logos and stuff with the marihuana plant or beers all over USA!

Anonymous said...

Hi , I just wanted to give you this blog reference.

It is a blog that makes a comparison between pro-ana community and FTM (Female To Male) Trans-community. It seems there is a shift from pro-ana community members to become transFTM community members ie instead to loose weight, those young women loose their breast...It is a huge growing fad (see youTube). I wanted to mention it for the moms or parents of those kids.


http://dirtywhiteboi67.blogspot.com/2010/11/top-surgery-and-distorted-vision-of.html

TK said...

medusa

i love what you wrote and i am very impressed with you site. Although, i feel, you views are one sided. Yes some of us who suffer from eating disorders do wear those braclets for the WRONG reasons. Wearing these braclets dont represent our need to be recongnized. Most of us actualy tend to try to confront our problems in the dark. a completely wrong way to do it, but sometimes effective. We wear these braclets for the same reason breast cancer patients join the walk athon. to remind us of who we are, what we have gone through, the steps we've taken, who we want to be. As most sites state, the bracelets have no real value. The site asks you to think about what this braclet will mean to you, what it represents, otherwise it worthless. For evey person who wears these bracelets the reasons are different, each one has its own story and struggle. Sorry for ranting but i dont feel you understand the depth of the feelings this represents to so many people. i hope you can see my, and many others, point of view.

Ems said...

My best friend irl makes these bracelets, i have one. They are truly beautiful, she belongs to another website, and sells on there, but recently it just got full of trolls and she left and gah has been going downhill and don't get me started. Anywho, she just moved house and wants to join PT, and hopefully advertise her bracelets here, (not why she's joining) She's suffered with anorexia for 7 years.

Here is a photo of my one, which sadly is weathered, the photo just doesn't do it justice.

Her usual ones are in the colour you request with 3 of the same colour beads. ( Usually representing eating disorders, not always)

But anyway, mine has more beads because they represented people in my life i missed.

The 3 she puts on represent different things.

1) Unity, Nobody should suffer in silence, you are not alone. An unspeakable vow between each and every one of us in the same position.

2) Strength, suffering with an ED doesn't make you weak, you're still fighting, and that makes you strong.

3) Happiness, each and every one of us deserves to be happy, no matter what.

As i said, this completely doesn't do it justice, but my new one i lost, and i don't want her to know but hey.

http://i54.tinypic.com/25prfc4_th.jpg

She doesn't sell them to make profit, with help from me she worked out that each one costs £1.60 in english money, obviously, to make. She has paypal and all that shizz, PLEASE don't ask me i am absolutely clueless. And she also does the money sent in an envelope to her address? Because apparently not many people have access to PAYPAL or the like without parental knowledge, anyhow.

she does any colours, and sends you the photo of the exact bracelet because so you see exactly what you're getting.

THIS IS NOT TO ENCOURAGE PRO ANA, BUT AS SUPPORT.
EMAIL ME AT JELLY_BABY_1995@HOTMAIL.CO.UK FOR MORE DETAILS.

Everythings*Changing said...

My name is paige and im kinda from a poor family. i wanted to know if i could get these 2 bracelets for free somewhere? i have no way to pay for them but i really could use the support!
lots of love!
Paige

Anonymous said...

I don't wear a ProAna bracelet to say I'm proud to be Anorexic; I wear one because I'd like to find someone else who knows what I'm going through. I want to be able to confide in someone without the fear of getting locked up against my will at some institution that forces me to eat crap and watches me go to the bathroom to make sure I don't purge.

I don't want to get locked up. This is why I don't tell anyone about my ED.


Sometimes its just nice to know that I'm not alone.

Anonymous said...

Hi Medusa
Love your website.
Going to buy a bracelet now :)
Its nice to have support

Anonymous said...

Hello, Medusa.

I love your website, I am anti-Ana/anti-Mia and think that you are an amazing person for posting these things:) I really hope you continue in your efforts to STOP this, because I am a recovering Ana and find a lot of encouragment here. It has helped me a lot:)

Much love,
Bubbles<3

Lennon said...

I've had an ed on/off since I was in the third grade (11th now), and I like the bracelets. ED's suck, at least some of the time as anyone who has/had one can tell you. They're hard, and generally aren't born into happy homes, at least mine wasn't and I don't imagine June Cleaver's children getting one, it's nice to know that there are other people.
Sorry for bumping (jumping on the online ed train a bit late) and all the best,
L

Anonymous said...

I agree fullheartedly. <3 pro ED for life.

Anonymous said...

Hey. People say its sick in the head to want to be thin. When in truth i just want to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. Its not your place to call is out on it. Its our choice. Our responsibility. And our society has a complete double standard becausw the majority is fat. People are allowed to love their "curves" when theyre overweight and unhealthy and society sees nothing wrong with that. They promote it even. Sowhy the fuck cant we be underweight and love oir bomes? Itsthesame damn thing just flipped. So stop acting all high and mighty. Most of you people have no room totalk because youre "unhealthy" too. Most of you areprobably overwiegt. You dont see me lecuring ans undermining you and your opinions every chance i get. People defend the fat people because the are ridiculed. Well, dont you think we get tired of being called ugly bags of bones? You are all so hypocritical. I would, and all the rest of the pro ED community would, appreciate it if you would keep your nose in your own buisness and let us be.

Anonymous said...

This is completely wrong.
That's really not what they mean. At all.
I know that some people use them for that, but the MAJORITY of us use them to find people who share our struggle, identify with us, and relate to our problems and insecurities. Actually, there is this new thing where some people wear white in their red bracelets, which means we're in recovery. Support for others to recover too.
It's really not because we're "proud".
I'm ashamed. Thus the reason I'm commenting anonymously.
I promise you that at least 75% of the junk that the media says about "pro-ana" is blown out of proportion. Most of it is taken from the extreme examples, people who think anorexia is a diet or a lifestyle. It's OBVIOUSLY not. Anyone who is actually anorexic will tell you that. We KNOW it's a disorder, and we aren't "proud" that we have an ED.
Pro-Ana is a name that conveys the wrong message. It doesn't mean we're Pro ANOREXIA. Most of the time (not always, as there are the people that act as if it's a lifestyle choice, and they get all kinds of media coverage) it means we are Pro "anorexic". We support the PERSON suffering with the ED, not the disorder itself. We understand their struggle and support them in recovery, weight-loss, or whatever their goal may be. We don't want OTHER people to starve themselves. A lot of us are conflicted, because we feel like hypocrites. We are starving ourselves, but MOST of us would NEVER wish it upon anyone else.
Eating disorders SUCK.
Anyone who tells you different has never had one (or they are currently so deeply immersed in their ED, they're in denial).

I'm really sorry if this sounded angry or rude. It just upsets me that people read this sort of stuff and think that people with ED's view them as a lifestyle choice, because that SO majorly diminishes the actually struggle and absolute misery we go through.

Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of all mental illness. Among young women between the ages of 15 and 23, it is the greatest cause of death our of every other cause of death.
Only 30-40% of anorexics will ever fully recover.
20% of anorexics die of the illness.

So... yeah. NOT a lifestyle choice people.

Anonymous said...

To the most recent anonymous poster, no-one on this website read this and views EDs as a lifestyle choice. It's the pro ana websites- with their how tos and their 'thinspiration' that does that! THEY diminish the struggle of eating disorders when they say they 'wish' they had anorexia. THEY underestimate the seriousness of this illness. They don't even recognise it as an illness, but a glamourous way to live. THEY are a massive insult to real sufferers.

I'm sure the bracelets have different meanings to different people and I agree its wrong to associate them all with pro-ana. But I also think you're in the dark about what most pro-ana websites mean. They are not supporting ED sufferers and their struggle, they claim to envy anorexics and think that anyone who might try to help people with eating disorders is morally wrong and usually 'must be fat'.

Most people who follow this site do so because we appreciate the seriousness of eating disorders. We realise it's not a lifestyle choice. But try telling that to the pro-ana sites. They think it IS a lifestyle choice, and a positive one. They are the ones who will shoot down everything you just said.

I agree with all you've said in your post about the seriousness of eating disorders, but you've directed it at the wrong site. It's the pro ana sites that refuse to recognise the truth and the seriousness.

Anonymous said...

To the most recent anonymous poster, I'm the anonymous person that you replied to a few months ago.

No. I am not directing my comments at the wrong site. I myself am actually on several pro~ana websites. I assure you that I meant to post those comments on THIS site, because the sites that I am on most definitely do NOT treat anorexia as a life~style choice or as something to be proud of.

Of course there are sites that are like that. People are messed up and scared and sad and hurting.
I am so fucking sick of being told how the "pro~anorexics" are diminishing the seriousness of the "real" illness.
You said they would "shoot down" those things I just said.
No. I can promise you that they will not. I am ONE of "them". For God's sake.

We talk about it all of the time; we are constantly discussing how annoyed we are at being judged for our ILLNESS that is NOT a life~style choice [because yes, we DO know that. We aren't stupid or ignorant like everyone seems to think ALL pro anorexics are].\

We join pro anorexic communities because no one else understands us, a lot of times it seems like no one else WANTS to.
Obviously it doesn't actually help us recover. Not really. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that my pro ana sites are making me better. They aren't. But at least I have people who understand.
I can either choose to suffer alone, in secret, with no one to talk to and no one who understands.
Or I can choose to have people who get me and my struggles, and actually try to suck some tenny ounce of enjoyment out of my miserable life.

AAAGGGGHHH >.<

Look. I'm sorry. I really, seriously, honestly and sincerely am not trying to be rude.
Really, I'm not.
The things that you said didn't even really piss me off.
I'm usually not an angry person.
At least, I used to never be.
I'm not angry at you, I'm just ANGRY.
At who? I don't know.
At what? I don't know.
I'm angry and sad, even though I'm still happy sometimes too.
I'm just angry at myself I guess.
Or at everything.
At nothing.

But I'm hungry.
I'm tired.
I'm sick and exhausted and sore and in pain all over and I just hurt, you know???

Back in November, when I posted that comment, I was doing "great", and was therefor not in a shitty mood. I was losing weight, feeling fine and wasn't even as stressed out as I am normally, whoo~hoo.
I'm still losing weight.
Whoo~hoo. I guess.
It just becomes so consuming and overwhelming.
Don't get me wrong, I knew it would happen. It's not like this is the first time I've gone through this.

I just. I don't even know what my point is. This is what happens when your mind gets messed up. You forget things and you don't make sense.

I sincerely apologize for being me.