I'm losing myself to this disorder again. My psychiatrist and psychologist are like my best friends and if I screw up one more time, they won't be my doctors anymore and that will break my heart. If I tell them that I'm losing weight, they'll send me to the asylum for a year and will not have any privileges at all. I just want to let them know that they did a good job on treating me. It's just that... I really don't know what's happening to me. But I have so much love for lots of people and I don't know how to show it. I'm such a burden to them. I don't want to drag them down with me. I just don't know what to do anymore.