My original post:
While at work yesterday morning, I decided to check my home e-mail. This is what I found as a comment awaiting for approval:
Dear Medusa,I follow your blog on a daily basis. I have already emailed you privately once or twice.Well any way I'm not writing because I want to help myself (I have already done all that I can do for myself and I'm 44 years old and I'm still messed up with eating disorders). But I do want to let some of the girls who are starting to try to get help that in order for help to work you have to have a good support system. I never had that and I don't think I will live through the day so I hope this gets posted and someone listens. Don't think every therepist or shink gives a shit about you. They are in business to make money and you are a money sign to them. HELP YOURSELF as much as you can before you end up 44 like me and still have to many eating disorders to deal with.NEVER START THAT FIRST DIET. My mother put me on a diet at 6 years of age and it has been a slow ride to destruction for me. Right now I am beyond help and it is too late for me but it won't be for you if you never start that first diet.I have gotten help and I had been going to therapy for this illness but I do not have the strength to make any efforts any more. The last straw was yesterday when I had an appointment with my therapist and she never showed up for the third time this month. It is no longer that easy for me to make arrangements for someone to watch my kids while I go to a non exhistant appointment (I had three appointments that were all cancelled at the last minute. No one called to let me know and I ended getting there and then finding out). When you are 44 with kids this bullsh** can get expensive and there are no other therapists in my area so I guess I'm SOL. In fact when I got to the office I was laughed at and made to fell like an idiot that I even came. So you need to help yourself. I have been trying to get help from other sources for 30 years now and and I do not have the strength to fight this anymore. I have never given up like this though. I'm too weak to fight this and I don't understand why God (if there is one) has let me live this long. This is not a good life to have, all this pro ana bullsh** is messed up, but I do understand that most of these girls are like me and they want a way out with their "pro Ana" suicide pacts. Thats what they are, Suicide pacts. So at this point my children who are 8 & 9, I love them more than anything but they will be better off with a stable life other than watching mom throw up everything I eat on a daily basis. They think this is normal for me but it shouldn't be.Look I'm 44 and it is too late for me to try to find a new support system but for some of your readers it might not be.If you think your support system looks at you like you are the town freak, get the hell out of it find good help before you end up dying.
I'm ending my life today because it will be the best thing for my kids to have a stable mother and maybe father, They don't need to see any more of me standing over a toilet bowl or their mother cutting herself. I'm doing this for them. In the long run it will be the best thing.I don't want to be on this earth anymore, I feel like I'm just taking up to much space. I'm not scared of death. I have gotten past that point already.So right now I'm geting tired from the pills I took so I'm going to log off now but I'm going to say it one more time to anyone who truelly wants recovery. Stay off the "pro ana" sites and get a support system that cares and for christ's sake, never start that first diet.Peace out,(name removed) (too tired of fighting) "